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Monday, July 27, 2015

Today is Our Wedding Anniversary!

I know too many people that never find out who their spouse is the entire time they are married. I have understanding now that everyone is different and you can't cut any corners to know your spouse, it takes hard work to find things out for yourself. You have to weed though fears and walls but as I do this I grow closer than I ever imagined with Angela.

Angela and I had one of our best days ever on Saturday the 18th. We got to go to Disneyland in the rain. To a lot of people that would sound awful but we loved it. We were taking a selfie by the castle and a lady informed us that it was raining like we were dumb for not seeking shelter. Everywhere else may be jaded by rain but southern Californians have good reason not to be. This drought is terrible, all our hills are brown and we need water to live. 
You will never be happy until you count your blessings you have. I don’t know what it is about growing up that makes it so your goals get bigger. You start to get ungrateful for the things you already have. When I got married all I wanted in the world was someone to love, a place to live, and food. Now we’ve added buy a house have kids and go on vacations. Angela and I used to sneak into our apartment before the move in date on the lease; lay on the floor where we imagined our bed would go and stare up at the ceiling like it was the night sky. We would dream of living together and even though we didn’t know if we could afford our one bedroom apartment at the time just being together was what mattered. Now we lay on our floor of our apartment sometimes together to remind ourselves how far we’ve come and what’s important.
Today is Angela and I's wedding anniversary. I love my life more and more every day I spend with her. It's almost like things don't happen unless I share them with her. I am so grateful for all the time together these last few years. I love that we can play like little children and then if need be work together to take on the most serious of tasks. I love that we are whole now because we have found our other halves. 3 years down ∞ to go. <3


Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Fears Start Creeping in

This one goes out to all my fellow introverts out there that wish they were extroverts. Social anxiety has a lot of paranoia. Some people see someone they have not seen for a while and it brightens their day. When we see someone that we haven't seen for a while fears start creeping in.

The world is not out to get you. I know it seems like:
One wrong move and people hate you.
One sentence misunderstood can break you.
One stumble and you fall forever.
One wrong step you will never go the right direction again.

Many introverts hide their emotions under a week facade of not "caring" when really they care too much. We are sensitive thinkers. It's a stereotype that introverts read and stay home all the time. This is because it's easier to over think and obsess over characters of a book because there's no danger that those characters will judge you. We find a need to connect with people but have a fear of rejection.  We tend to over think things and relive the same mistakes over and over again.  We have a lot of internal monologue and say very little of it. Every time we walk outside it's like walking out on stage.
I know introverts that compensate by an over cavalier attitude and go out of their way to ruin their reputations. This is because they believe if they get rid of that social standard the fear will go away. It's very easy to gain the attitude that you "hate people" I have both heard and said this before. Truth is though that I love people. Like most bad things the root is miscommunication.  It's not knowing people's feelings that gets to us the most, and the hopelessness of the inability to find out.
I just want everyone to know with this post that you're not alone. I'm an introvert that's blessed with an understanding wife and wonderful friends. When I start overthinking things I can turn to them for support and my life is so much better than it was without them. Angela is my rock when my mind starts to wander and I really hope I'm hers as well. I tell all my friends that they can contact me when they start over thinking things because I know how bad it can get. A little reassurance goes a long way.