New Year's Resolutions

With the New Year just over the horizon, it's a good time to reflect on the past year. Angela and I have had our ups and downs but most importantly, we've had each other, and that means more to me than anything. I am grateful for each special moment we've had together and I look forward to many more years with her. I would like to make my New Year's resolutions focused on her so that I not only can be everything she needs but everything she wants as well. I think these are resolutions that everyone should have. Not all of these have an end goal, but just things to try to improve on this year in general.

1. Unplug. Get rid of your electronics (temporarily of course).

This Christmas season, my wife and I decorated our Christmas tree together listening to music. After we were done, we sipped hot chocolate and admired our handiwork together. There were no distractions of phones, computers, or television. It felt so special to be able to share that moment together.

2. Go somewhere new!

Life is so precious; we only get to live it once. I loved going to the Redwoods this year with my wife and though I have been there many times, this was Angela's first time. It was so amazing to share a place that is so special and sentimental to me with her; to experience it through her beautiful eyes and see the look of wonder on her face the first time she felt the sacred hush of the majestic trees.

3. Be Grateful.

Angela and I have been married for a year and a half, but compared to forever, that's not long at all. I am so grateful for her; she has been a rock in my life. I have always been grateful for her and what a shining example she is to me, but this year I want to take every opportunity to tell her. Although our chores are unassigned and we both try to take care of things, I want to take special notice every time she does anything for me; rubs my back, washes laundry, makes dinner. I know that when she does these little things, it's her way of telling me that she loves me. I know this because when I do all the chores she hates, like taking out the trash, in a funny way it's like telling her that I love her. I appreciate everything she does for me and I want to tell her as often as possible how grateful I am.

I Got to Meet Penguins!

Angela gave me the best birthday present ever! She let me meet penguins! Okay, my life is getting pretty ludicrously awesome. When I started this blog I had hope that our lives would get better, but I never dreamed that we would be this happy and doing magical things like this. I've always loved penguins. I've had a stuffed animal of a penguin since I was 7 years old that has been battered and torn from being loved. Penguins are just so darn cute! So naturally when I met real life penguins all I wanted to do was huggle them. I felt like Elmira from Looney Tunes.

Replace the turtle with a penguin in this picture and you have the idea. I thought I would have to travel to the ice shelf on Antarctica to have the chance to play with penguins. After all, there are people that go to school for years for an opportunity like this. I am so in love with Angela and she is so good to me!

After Thanksgiving dinner, we got into our new car and drove down to my birthday surprise. We checked into the top floor of a nice hotel. We were fifteen floors up and had a beautiful view of the industrial part of the harbor. The next morning we woke up and had a wonderful continental breakfast at the hotel, followed by a very short trip to see penguins! When we arrived I felt like royalty. The people there were so polite and it genuinely felt like they were glad we were there.

They let us in with the penguins so they could play with us. We walked with them fed them and even held them. The way they let the penguins do whatever they wanted was so informal (in the best way) and fun. It was really a dream come true. The penguins seemed to love our company. I was hoping that they would let us stay there if I could fool them into thinking we were penguins too. I even walked behind them with my arms to the side squawking but I don't think they were fooled.

My life is in over load position.  I don't know how I can be this blessed. I really don't feel like I deserve it. I am so filled with joy as I think of Angela and all these fun things we get to do. It really seems like Angela has this power to make life burn with passion and love. I can't even begin to tell anyone reading this how blessed she makes my life.  Please take the time to read the rest of my blog it is my journal of the love we share. Also feel free to comment I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings about my blog. :)

Couples Therapy

A good relationship means you communicate, trust, and work as a team. I take every day with Angela as a new opportunity to fine-tune our well-oiled machine. Every day is beautiful and an opportunity to learn something new. When Angela took me out for a surprise date, I didn't realize those relationship lessons were about to be tested.

When we drove up to Long Beach harbor at 8pm I had no idea what Angela had planned. All I could tell was the harbor was very pretty with Christmas lights reflecting in the water. Then I saw them, a group of hydrobikes! For those of you that don't know what hydrobikes are, they are basically a bike that is held up by 2 canoes. They look ridiculous and I was excited to try one! Angela and I do everything together and apparently this was no exception; we arrived a little late and the only bike they had left was a couple's hydobike.

As we prepared for our journey through the magnificently decorated canals of long beach we discovered you can't just turn the handle bars to turn this bike. Everything you do has to be synchronized. One of you has to peddle backwards and the other has to peddle forewords simply to turn. Also to go straight, we both had to peddle at the same time at the same intensity or we would start turning. So when the boat started drifting off course (which it often did) we needed good communication to figure out what the problem was.

Unfortunately the problem was that I am embarrassingly out of shape. I felt like I was going to have to turn back after 5 min of the hour and a half tour. I was enjoying myself a lot so I just stuck it out and didn't complain. Once again I just have to let you all know how great my wife is. When we stated drifting the wrong way, it was most likely because I wasn't pulling my own weight. Angela could have bossed me around, she could have made me feel guilty for not keeping up, and she could have even taken the opportunity to make jokes at my expense. But she didn't blame me once, NOT ONCE! She assumed the boat was broken and took it as a new challenge.  

Why this post is called couples therapy is because we both had control of this boat. And a lot of times when people share control they get bitter, bossy, or snarky.  I felt like we were both Buddy the elf just smiling at everything. We passed this test, and it was so much fun! With the gorgeous shimmering water and the sparkling red and green lights, I am so grateful for all the adventures my wife and I share. I know this is going to sound silly but I'm grateful for being grateful because it's wonderful to know how good I have it.

We Bought the Perfect Car!

At the beginning of my blog there were things that were going wrong in our lives. One of them was Angela's car broke and we have had to fare with one car. This blog is about the happy things that are happening now that our lives are back on track and I am pleased to let you all know with this post we bought a new car, AND WE LOVE IT!

If there is anything that makes me lose faith in humanity, it's car shopping. Angela and I went car shopping and it was awful! Every time we looked at a car they would talk down to us and lie. I think they assumed because we are young we would be suckers. Angela and I are not suckers. When we want something we do our research, we save our money, and we buy it. Nothing I have ever bought however has been more painful as buying a car. I felt like every car dealer was Danny DeVito from Matilda.

When we were first looking for a car a year and a half ago we wanted a Prius. To us a car symbolizes freedom and the idea of excellent gas mileage was very enticing. We test drove the Prius C and the regular Prius but it felt like if we needed to get out of the way of a car or truck fast it would be game over. The gas tank was only 11 gallons, and you only get the best gas mileage when you're city driving and we wanted incentive to travel.

Everywhere we went they treated us like children. At the Thousand Oaks Toyota dealership when I said I needed to take a moment to think about it they mocked me by saying "I thought you had done your research already?" At the Oxnard Toyota dealership, they told us the warranty would cover everything for 5 years or 100,000 miles and whatever breaks we can just come back and they would fix it no charge. However when we read the contract it said 2 years limited warranty. And even when going through Costco the Simi Valley Toyota, after checking our credit, tried selling us a Camry for almost $40,000...

We looked at the Honda Civic at the Simi Valley Honda dealership and they told us it had 180 HP, when it had 140 HP. We went to the Thousand Oaks Acura dealership and when Angela told them we had been lied to everywhere else they started to lie to us, corrected themselves, and stayed quiet for the rest of the time. Also every time we made an appointment they told us we would be meeting with the "head guy" but every time we showed up they took one look at us and gave us the lowest level guy they could find.

After all of this we finally decided on a car. We got a car with an 18 gallon gas tank, touch screen navigation system, 182 HP, and when we took it to Oregon it got 40 mpg there and back. We love it and could not be happier with our Nissan Altima SV. It's all around comfortable safe and beautiful. I'm so glad we got a name brand car that is known for its reliability. We really didn't want to settle for a KIA or a Subaru. Angela and I really feel like we picked the best car out there. I think some of our friends thought we might have gotten too nice of a car but we have been saving money for a long time and we bought it with cash. It's all ours and it feels great! :)

Honeymoon Phase is Over!

I adore my wife. When I think about being married to Angela I melt. She's just so darn adorable. But how can I be sure this is not just a honeymoon phase? Will this woman give my heart such loving flutters forever? Well I think it took this rainy day of Angela giggling and jumping in puddles to figure it out. Angela and I are like little kids with everything we do. We look at things with wonder and possibility. And this inspires us to be better and happy.

I know people that decide not to care because the more they care the more they get hurt. After all there is a direct correlation with the two. Just because you have seen heartache does not mean you can never do something simple that makes you happy. I do not believe innocence dies; you just lose sight of it. Having hard ships does not overcomplicate your life, giving up does.

There are people that believe that the less you care, feel, know, or experience, the more it keeps you away from sadness (and there for keeps you happy). But then why do these people turn out to be the saddest people I know? They have learned that the closer they get to the fire, the more they get burned so they shield themselves from the light. That's where people get the whole ignorance is bliss thing. They are right you can survive for a while in darkness but it will take its toll. The truth is all this does is numb you. The more anxiety you have the better it feels to be numb. Some people achieve this numbness by way of alcohol or drugs.

That's where Angela found me struggling to decide if feeling anything was worth it. I chose correctly. I care passionately for Angela and that whittles the world down to a more manageable size. But it also gives my life focus like a magnifying glass. I have no anxiety as long as I'm with her. I would say she's my drug but she's so much more helpful than that. She is genuine happiness. Not a distraction, not something to numb the pain, but the real magical joy you hear about in fairy tales.

This is why the "honeymoon phase" will never end for us. Because when Angela asks me why I'm with her I don't say "because I love you". I know our relationship is built on trust, admiration, faithfulness, chemistry, intelligence, a share of hobbies and a clear vision of our future. Angela has become my muse and I will never think about running from the light ever again. I have never been much of a writer. In fact in school that was by far my least favored subject. But now with how wonderful life is with Angela I look forward to putting my thoughts down. She has and continues to change me for the better. And she will always show me where true happiness comes from one puddle at a time.

Angela is my density.

It's always more fun when I'm with Angela and last week was no exception. On opening night Angela and I went on a date to the new Hunger Games movie. We were sitting in the audience with everyone else laughing at something we found funny and something occurred to me. We were the only ones laughing. Something that was not intended to be funny had tickled us both just right into a giggling frenzy. This is magical to me, something that was not an inside joke nor something that made anyone else happy made both of us happy.

I trust Angela implicitly and confide in her all I am. She is my best friend and my wife. She is the first person I think about whenever I do anything. She is literally always on my mind and I on hers. In this way we look at things though each other's eyes sharing in everything we do. Some people are like oil and water, others are like potassium and water. Angela and I are like water and water. We have ceased to exist separately; picture pouring two glasses of water into one empty container, that's what our souls feel like. Just like this water Angela and I are the same density, we cannot be separated.

It is no doubt that Angela and I must have been made for each other. Our brains work in similar ways. According to wiki to have the same sense of humor you would have to fallow a host of variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, and intelligence. And that's just humor, so how did I get someone so perfect for me? It's plain to me that the fact she not only exists, but also loves me is a miracle. I love the paradox of how impossible love seemed in theory until Angela came along and proved it's everywhere.

We are made fun of for wearing the same color clothes places. We hear people say we are like twins. If we were both girls we would probably accidentally show up places wearing the same outfit. Bottom line is I find life amusing. I never thought I would fit anywhere in this world. I had times when I just wanted to jump out of my body so I could breathe because I felt so trapped here. But not only do I feel understood, valuable, and loved. I have someone to share these feelings with.Whether its sharing giggles at a theater or giving the best hugs in the world, Angela is my density. 

When Should I Compromise?

One of my favorite quotes is "Never argue with an idiot because they will only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." This is true because when you argue with someone it's important to you that the other person actually hears your side. An idiot is only capable of perpetuating their limited understanding so it's a waste of your time. I'd like to change this quote for this post to "Never compromise with someone selfish because they will only drag you down to their level and leave you with nothing" OK. Well that's all fine and good you're probably saying, but how do I know which one of us is being selfish and when is compromise even appropriate?

I know people that have this depressing thought; that compromising and settling are the same thing. They think the probability of finding their perfect prince or princess is dismal at best. This idea came about because everyone has their flaws and the prospect of settling although not romantic makes things simpler and easier. So let me set the rerecord straight right now, compromising is not a fancy word for settling. Settling implies that you're giving up a need, compromising is giving up a want.  Please never settle!

Yes people have flaws, but a beautiful thing about a relationship is that people have strengths too and people can fill the gap left by flaws like puzzle pieces. You always hear that opposites attract. Although true, it's a shame that's the phrase coined to describe it. Differences inspire curiosity and admiration for the things you don't have. This is very healthy because it's the natural way of finding those puzzle pieces that fit. An unhealthy side effect is that opposites like good and bad tend to attract as well and it's never a good thing for the nice person to get involved with the mean person. This is why it is necessary to have deal breakers.

It's not good to keep score but it's also not good to be taken advantage of.  The way around this is to make a list of things that you need to be happy. Deal breakers insure that you don't lower your standards to fit in to a relationship. These deal breakers if broken, leave you in a toxic relationship.  As long as your significant other is not breaking your deal breakers you can compromise on whatever else you want and still be happy and healthy. If they break a deal breaker you NEED to leave them and find someone that is capable of a healthy relationship. To many people think its a good idea to compromise to save a relationship that should not be saved.

Examples of deal breakers are: Lack of Affection, Physical or mental abuse, Bad hygiene, Jealousy, Infidelity, Lying, challenging your sobriety or even bad sex. Just make a list, discuss it with your significant other, and stick to it. After that everything else comes down to trusting and not being petty. So to answer the question when should I compromise? When one is willing to be unhappy so that the other is happy, then something needs to change. Please do not think your any more or less important than who you're with. You deserve your happiness too.

Why I Never Forgive

I feel like there is misconception surrounding the word "forgiveness". I feel like there is an almost altruistic air about it and self-righteousness. That though someone probably doesn't deserve it, you're going to be the "bigger person" and "forgive" them. I really don't think all people are that way, but some definitely are. I don't have issues with the actual meaning, what I have a problem with is the façade that some people make it to be. 

I'm simple. An odd thing about me is when people like me and my wife, I like them too. So just ask yourself, "Do I like Sean and Angela? If the answer is yes then I wholeheartedly like you back. Words like "forgiveness" really don't mean anything to me. It doesn't really take me "time" to get over things. If you come up to me and say, "I like you, you're my friend" I am very trusting. Yes, being trusting has hurt me in the past but life's too short to be guarded. Please for anyone out there, if you think for any reason I don't like you, ask! It's definitely a misunderstanding. And however long we haven't talked to someone we can just pick up where we left off being happy and loved.

I've got a rule; if you're trying to get at me then I will not fall into your trap and get mad. And if you're not trying to get me mad then I will not get mad because what you're doing is unintentional.

Angela and I love our friends. It was very sad when we had to tell one of my older closest friends not to contact us anymore. This person was accusing us of having malicious intentions towards them. This was not the first time they had assumed this and they had escalated the situation to where we had to ask them to not contact us again. Frankly, that's not my style and it truly pains me to have to push someone away like that. It came at a bad time as well, just at the point where we had gotten through so many things, we felt like we were finally gasping for air, just to be pushed underwater again by this situation. I don't blame them, there's no way they would have known the extent of what was going on in our lives. That would be unreasonable.

Even though they were angry and threatening, I don't have any resentment in my heart. If they can just take my hand and let go of the anger we can rebuild a wonderful friendship. The second they decide to like me again, I will gladly open my arms to them with a smile and give them a big hug. And that goes for everyone. Any friendships lost either because of resentment or drifting away, I open my arms to you too. I don't want any more lost opportunities for good times with good people. Anyone who knows me can email me: breathingforherblog@gmail.com. Consider this an invitation for friendship.

My wife and I feel happiest when we are useful. When people closet to us can just start talking about what's on their mind like we are reassuring extensions of themselves. We want to be the people that when we are around they just feel happier and they don't really know why. We want to be so connected with people that they forget we are even around, like it's just natural that we would be there for them. We appreciate when people are their genuine selves around us. We need people to know that they can say or do anything around us without fear of being judged.

Angela and I love living life to the fullest. If you want to join us on our adventures of having girl's nights or anything we talk about doing with our friends just let us know :) We had a wonderful time at the Hello Kitty Con this year. We got to tour the museum and look at all the shops. Here's me with Hello Kitty Lincoln.

Angela's Disney Birthday Surprise

It is my life goal for my wife to realize how special she is. It was Angela's birthday recently and I really wanted to put forth the thought and effort to show her how much happiness her existence brings me. We have been hanging out with friends and working a lot recently and have been in need of quality alone time preferably somewhere special. Somewhere we could listen to romantic music and have quiet conversation and somewhere we could let loose and be adventurous. So I planned a quiet getaway to a hotel and a day trip in the morning to Disneyland. After all, there is always new adventure to experience at Disneyland.

I decided to make her birthday trip a surprise and didn't tell her a thing. She always tells me she loves surprises and I wanted this birthday to be more than bringing her roses or lighting a few candles. Don't get me wrong I love doing those things, I just do those things when its not her birthday too.  The day before her birthday she told me she was sad that nothing was planned for her birthday. I don't know why but I think she had a picture in her head of her making her own birthday cake and singing happy birthday to herself. It was so hard not to tell her at that point that I called her out of work, packed her bags with her favorite Disney outfits, bought her gifts, and had hopes to sweep her off her feet in the next 3 hours.... But I know if she knows anything she will figure out everything so I kept my mouth shut.

My wife and I love Disney!  She loves all the little things like Jeremy Irons voice acting in the Lion King. She knew right away when we watched Die Hard 3 it was Jeremy Irons voice on the phone. She shouted, "IT'S SCAR ON THE PHONE!!!" Our relationship is packed full of Disney magic, including our proposal at the Disney El Capitan theater. We were driving home from work when I told her that her bags were packed and we were heading to Disneyland. SHE WAS SO HAPPY!

The first thing we did was check into a our hotel and took a walk to Downtown Disney. We got a caramel apple and Angela's favorite gluten free pizza. Then we went back to the hotel and rested up for her big Disney birthday. When Angela got up she put on her Minnie Mouse shirt, her cute little red bow, and one of her biggest smiles that I cherish so much. We ate breakfast at the hotel before heading out to the park. It was Thursday so the park was empty enough to ride on all the rides Angela wanted to. I brought gluten free snacks to eat in line and we had an amazing day.

It always makes me so happy to see my wife happy! Angela is truly everything I've ever wanted. I'm filled with the purest happiness when I think about how I get to love her forever. She's my entire world and I couldn't imagine my life without her. If she's sad, then I'm sad and if she's happy, I'm happy. She's not only part of me she's the best part. That's why this blog exists; I want to be the breath of life she is for me. I can only hope through active kindness I can find ways to show her my heart, my soul, and my love. I'm am so grateful that I got to share in her birthday this year and I look forward to many more to come.

My Confession

Some people fear that when the storms of life beat down, their marriage will fall apart and wash away. This blog is about the good times my wife and I share when looking at the world with hope. However, I would like to take a moment to look back at a time when hope seemed like a novelty less afforded.  Once upon a time not so long ago, my life was filled with uncertainty.  When Angela and I started dating I was going through the darkest time in my life. I confess I selfishly fell for Angela when I shouldn't have been in a relationship with anyone.

We all know those people that have the personality to play the victim all the time. I am not one of those people. I'm very embarrassed how much of a crying wreck I was at the beginning of our relationship. I was in a dismal place relatable to a time I went in to get blood drawn at the hospitable. They asked me if the new girl in training could try to take my blood. I said, "Sure! No problem!" I jumped at the opportunity to be strong and useful. However after she missed the vein 4 times and I had blood running down my arm, I felt so sick. Logically I knew I was in no danger. Logically I really thought I could handle whatever came my way. But after dry heaving in the trash can a few times I had to come to the realization that will power alone was not going to save me, sometimes out of weakness you involuntarily break down. And instead of happiness you're faced with damage control.

 

When I met Angela, my whole life was in this state of mental damage control. The trait I admire most and has been most helpful in our marriage is Angela's quiet determination. I felt when I told Angela my circumstance she would have left me to fend for myself. After all, how attached could she be having just started dating me? If I was a third party I would have told her "All that boy can hope for is to sort through his problems before you find someone else." After all, that's more than reasonable for someone you just started dating. But she didn't leave; she didn't even take a step back. She stood by me weathering the storm and nurturing me. I will never forget how much of an angel in my life Angela was and still is.

Unlike others in my life, Angela has never once made me cry. Whenever I hear the words "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." I smile, because I know she already proved she will. And now I try to prove I can be there for her too. Preparation for this was now my responsibility. I don't live for myself I live for us and I will never take Angela for granted. You always hear of the white knight upon a fiery steed saving the damsel in distress. Well Angela's no damsel in distress, but I knew someday life would probably get hard again and I needed to toughen up to help her the way she already helped me.

As I told you a little bit about in my first post, when we first got married life got tumultuous. By nature we are not pity seekers.Very few of our friends even know the entirety of how tumultuous our life has been since we got married. It seemed like everything we did was cursed, but Angela's example of quiet determination in adversity when we were dating prepared me to help her when she needed it. I am convinced we can handle anything that comes our way now. I know now when life turns into a state of damage control I am capable of playing my part in weathering the storm. Come what may without fear we will be there for one another. 

Never Ashamed

Instead of embracing your feelings as being important, people decide to hide them away as something they are ashamed of. Too often without a release, these emotions creep back into other aspects of a relationship. So why do people hide things form their significant other?

That awkward moment when you realize a lot of people are in very awkward relationships. I had one guy tell me that he was unintentionally hurting his wife during sex for 7 years before she said a thing. He just thought she didn't like to have sex. I can't imagine having that bad of communication with my wife. Whenever we have a thought about anything it seems like the other one of us knows about it before we do. His reasoning for not having communication was because it would be awkward to communicate about sex... that decision not to be awkward made everything so much more awkward.. And he still doesn't understand why.

There are women that go to sleep with makeup on because they can't have their husbands know what they look like barefaced. When asked why they will respond "Because I can't have him know I'm ugly..." To me if there is one person in your life you don't have to hide anything from it should be your spouse. They should be the non-judging party that's there to support you in all you are.

I get tired of hearing from men "It took me 30 years of marriage to figure out that the wife is always right. Women are unreasonable so why try to reason with them?" I am a firm believer that everything happens for a findable reason. But to find that reason you need to have respect and sympathy for the other person.

 I was watching Gilmore Girls last night and the mom Lorelai was jealous of the attention her daughter Rory was giving to Lorelai's parents. Instead of communicating how she felt with herself and her daughter Lorelai got passive aggressive and started freaking out at Rory for stealing her sweater without asking. This essentially drove Rory even farther away. Lorelai was afraid of her jealous impulse so much that she subconsciously decided that she was upset about a sweater. Yes she was being selfish but it's nothing to be ashamed of because she loves Rory and simply wants her attention.

People have fear of not living up to expectations. Everyone has their own struggles, no one is perfect. Being a man that has many female friends, I get to see both sides of the spectrum. Men and women both suffer from wanting to be better than they are. And both men and women resort to sweeping the problems under the rug out of shame. Although striving to be better is a good thing, not being perfect yet is nothing to be ashamed of. The only healthy way to clean under that rug is to clean it together.

I am Never Lonely.

I am never lonely. Ever since I've married Angela I have never once felt alone. It dawned on me today how magical that is. Who can say that? Many would say that being lonely is part of the human condition; that it's unavoidable and you should not expect it to go away.  It's a pain I have felt in the past so deeply that its almost torn my every resolve asunder.

So why don't I feel it? Where did it go? Why do I feel like my loneliness just got up and flew away? I stared doing research. Supposedly loneliness is a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of isolation and motivate them to seek social connections. People can feel lonely even when they are with a group of people. I also heard that marriages fall apart because they expect their loneliness to go away and it doesn't. So the act of being with Angela in and of itself is not the cure for loneliness. So what is?

 My mind used to wander into that dark abyss of loneliness often. It's played a large role in my life's creative process. I would dwell on my feelings and accept them as part of life. I'm not saying I was goth but at times I could be more dramatic than I would like to admit.  But with Angela it's like she took me in her arms started to pet my head and with comforting words told me "Don't worry anymore everything's going to be fine." Her magic has never worn off. People tell me I'm still in the honeymoon phase, but every time I think about her I get a big hug in my soul like hers reached out and touched me from where ever she is. It's this feeling that makes me know because she exists I'm never alone. If that's not true love I don't know what is.

When we saw Billy Joel he informed us that if we ever had the chance to do what he does for a living to do it. It was a joke because he knew the probability of someone else becoming as fortunate with a profession was laughable. The truth is though I would not trade my life for his. If you know Billy Joel's story he has had lovers, friends, and security. He's had people comfort him with promises again and again. But it wasn't honest love, the kind of love you give 100% of yourself and never look back. And without that, he has had to live with loneliness and depression his whole life. He needs an Angela, we all do. If you ever have the chance to marry a woman like Angela, do it. She's my perfect balance in a not so perfect world. 

It is for this reason I am not lonely anymore. I don't have the alert an individual gets of isolation. I don't have any isolation anymore, not physical, metal, or emotional. All of these things are nurtured by my relationship with Angela naturally.  I'm not constrained to the motivate to seek social connections. I have made the most powerful connection there is. I feel so close to Angela everywhere I am. And this feeling is more than I ever hoped it would be.

Mistakes People Make About What Love Is

Love is an openly definable word. Sure it's a feeling of deep affection. Sure it's feeling a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. But so often people will say love is actions, intentions, or fate.  The definition of love is so clouded that we are all forced into creating the very popular term "true love".

So how do you separate what you want in the moment with what will bring you eternal true love? Well everyone has different equations for this. I've heard "happiness is simple" or "ignorance is bliss". I am afraid people try to shrink down everything good into a more manageable/comfortable size. People also do this by generalizations that appear complex but have no real meat in them-- these are called platitudes. I've heard "if it's meant to be it will happen" or "all you need is love".

It's ideology that gets people up in the morning. It's that idea of love that can drive people to do anything. Love that's pure and not clouded with false intentions. Clouded love is what leads to false ideals. After all, it is said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. People use love as a promise of the best life has to offer and then mix that love with selfish desire without even realizing it. This is where manipulations like "If you love me you will do (put random thing they want you to do here)" come from.

It's true that the more complex something is the scarier and overwhelming it can look. But don't hide from the corresponding intricacies of idiosyncrasy. Everyone is different than everyone else and that is not a simple concept, however it is a beautiful one. It takes people a lifetime or more to figure out what truly makes them happy. And just because it works for you does not always mean it will work for someone else.

For me to endeavor to purely love my wife is of the highest importance. I know that I love her because that is the most powerful word I know to describe what I feel. Although everyone throws the word love around like a beach ball, it is a genuine pleasure to find out how to love my wife purely day to day. To go though life good times and bad, and work together to have this coveted "perfect love". This endeavor is what brings us closer than anything I can imagine. This is what brings me love every day of my life.

The importance of friends

Angela and I love our friends. Spending time and enjoying the company of our friends is what we live for.  It is nice to just relax after a day that should make us feel tensed, nervous, or depressed and know we can play and be happy with our friends. After all, our main philosophy in life is "it's not about the activity you're doing its about the people you're with".

I didn't have much hope that I would ever find true friends. After all, I was trying to get invited to baby showers and girls nights. Most people told me to hide my true self from people and have superficial friendships, at least people might like me that way. Angela never saw me like that, she always wanted to know me for me and loved me more and more as she figured me out. This changed my life around. Angela allowed me for the first time to feel comfortable and let down my walls.

My personal growth over the last couple years has been substantial. Thanks to my wonderful wife and amazing friends I have felt more motivated in every aspect of my life. I was beginning to think someone unconditionally loving me was impossible. But now I know it doesn't mater what happens or however long its been since you've seen your friends, you are always there for them and them for you.

Not only do I have friends that love me for me, but they also stick up for me. I invited a girl to girls night and that girl said, "Isn't it awkward to be the only guy there?" and a wonderful friend chimed in and informed her that I was one of the girls. This made me feel accepted and so grateful. I don't like feeling left out and I'm so glad I don't have to feel that way again.

This last Saturday Angela and I had an opportunity to hang out with a couple of our friends Gail and Gretchen. We went to Little Tokyo and had an urban picnic. We had fun just looking at all the cute Japanese toys, stuffed animals, colored pencils, and backpacks. We even had some mochi from two different mochi shops. Angela and I prepared lots of good foods. However the best thing wasn’t how great the food was (though it was delicious), or that we where on an adventure in Little Tokyo (though that was fun) it was how great our friends are. We just chatted about whatever came to our minds and afterwards felt full of joy that we have such fun and loving friends.  It's fantastic that it’s possible to have friends like these and a wife that I have such a unique beautiful bond with. Life could not be better. :)

 

10 Annoying Things Guys Do.

I'm not a big fan of my gender. I tell all my girlfriends just to think of me as one of the girls. It’s disappointing when reality hits and someone puts me back in the category with "the guys". I naturally seek friendship, support, and companionship and I have not been able to find this with most guys. With this post I am asking all the men out there to please help me by not conforming to stereotypes. Please realize in this post that I’m speaking in generalities. After all I’m a guy and I’m not like this so hopefully you can just read this and say, “Yeah, guys like that ARE annoying”.  

Here are 10 things that I see guys do that most girls would like you to stop doing.

1. Stop being creepy! Stop looking at women as anything other than people. Stop ogling girls that you're not in a solid relationship with, it's creepy!

2. Stop spitting, burping, bringing phlegm into their throat and farting… Its fine, we all do it, but not recreationally. Guys, when you’re on the phone please don’t let out a big burp into my ear, it’s disgusting.

3. Stop making her number two. Don’t use your selective hearing on the TV. Remember, she is the priority! Not your car, not the TV, not your video games, HER! Women can tell when your attention is not on them and it makes them feel unloved. 

4. Stop making pointed comments. Pushing women’s buttons is not funny and they don’t think it’s attractive. A lot of times you act like it's just playful teasing but it’s just mean. Maybe you think that that kind of behavior is cool with your bro's, but you're just immature if you do that.

5. Stop disregarding emotion. I know being “logical” is important to you but emotion is just as important to her.  Also don’t say you can’t care because if you did you would care too much. That’s a cop out.

6. Stop neglecting basic hygiene. Shower, brush your teeth, and for goodness sake clip those fingernails.

7. Stop making everything a competition. If you’re that competitive and you have to compete, make her on the same team and take on the world together. 

8. Stop having double standards. I know people keep telling me that men are wired differently and it’s impossible for men to not cheat, lie, or get angry. However if a woman does any of this they are evil.  Men, start believing that your better than this. You are, I promise.

9. Stop thinking nurturing is a strictly female thing. Without nurturing there can be no development of anything, even ourselves. Everyone needs love, attention, and validation.

10. Stop assuming your correct about anything. When you know your right than that's one thing, but if you just assume that your right without all the facts it leaves no room for conversation and learning.