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Thursday, October 30, 2014

Never Ashamed

Instead of embracing your feelings as being important, people decide to hide them away as something they are ashamed of. Too often without a release, these emotions creep back into other aspects of a relationship. So why do people hide things form their significant other?

That awkward moment when you realize a lot of people are in very awkward relationships. I had one guy tell me that he was unintentionally hurting his wife during sex for 7 years before she said a thing. He just thought she didn't like to have sex. I can't imagine having that bad of communication with my wife. Whenever we have a thought about anything it seems like the other one of us knows about it before we do. His reasoning for not having communication was because it would be awkward to communicate about sex... that decision not to be awkward made everything so much more awkward.. And he still doesn't understand why.

There are women that go to sleep with makeup on because they can't have their husbands know what they look like barefaced. When asked why they will respond "Because I can't have him know I'm ugly..." To me if there is one person in your life you don't have to hide anything from it should be your spouse. They should be the non-judging party that's there to support you in all you are.

I get tired of hearing from men "It took me 30 years of marriage to figure out that the wife is always right. Women are unreasonable so why try to reason with them?" I am a firm believer that everything happens for a findable reason. But to find that reason you need to have respect and sympathy for the other person.

 I was watching Gilmore Girls last night and the mom Lorelai was jealous of the attention her daughter Rory was giving to Lorelai's parents. Instead of communicating how she felt with herself and her daughter Lorelai got passive aggressive and started freaking out at Rory for stealing her sweater without asking. This essentially drove Rory even farther away. Lorelai was afraid of her jealous impulse so much that she subconsciously decided that she was upset about a sweater. Yes she was being selfish but it's nothing to be ashamed of because she loves Rory and simply wants her attention.

People have fear of not living up to expectations. Everyone has their own struggles, no one is perfect. Being a man that has many female friends, I get to see both sides of the spectrum. Men and women both suffer from wanting to be better than they are. And both men and women resort to sweeping the problems under the rug out of shame. Although striving to be better is a good thing, not being perfect yet is nothing to be ashamed of. The only healthy way to clean under that rug is to clean it together.

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