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Monday, October 20, 2014

I am Never Lonely.

I am never lonely. Ever since I've married Angela I have never once felt alone. It dawned on me today how magical that is. Who can say that? Many would say that being lonely is part of the human condition; that it's unavoidable and you should not expect it to go away.  It's a pain I have felt in the past so deeply that its almost torn my every resolve asunder.

So why don't I feel it? Where did it go? Why do I feel like my loneliness just got up and flew away? I stared doing research. Supposedly loneliness is a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of isolation and motivate them to seek social connections. People can feel lonely even when they are with a group of people. I also heard that marriages fall apart because they expect their loneliness to go away and it doesn't. So the act of being with Angela in and of itself is not the cure for loneliness. So what is?

 My mind used to wander into that dark abyss of loneliness often. It's played a large role in my life's creative process. I would dwell on my feelings and accept them as part of life. I'm not saying I was goth but at times I could be more dramatic than I would like to admit.  But with Angela it's like she took me in her arms started to pet my head and with comforting words told me "Don't worry anymore everything's going to be fine." Her magic has never worn off. People tell me I'm still in the honeymoon phase, but every time I think about her I get a big hug in my soul like hers reached out and touched me from where ever she is. It's this feeling that makes me know because she exists I'm never alone. If that's not true love I don't know what is.

When we saw Billy Joel he informed us that if we ever had the chance to do what he does for a living to do it. It was a joke because he knew the probability of someone else becoming as fortunate with a profession was laughable. The truth is though I would not trade my life for his. If you know Billy Joel's story he has had lovers, friends, and security. He's had people comfort him with promises again and again. But it wasn't honest love, the kind of love you give 100% of yourself and never look back. And without that, he has had to live with loneliness and depression his whole life. He needs an Angela, we all do. If you ever have the chance to marry a woman like Angela, do it. She's my perfect balance in a not so perfect world. 

It is for this reason I am not lonely anymore. I don't have the alert an individual gets of isolation. I don't have any isolation anymore, not physical, metal, or emotional. All of these things are nurtured by my relationship with Angela naturally.  I'm not constrained to the motivate to seek social connections. I have made the most powerful connection there is. I feel so close to Angela everywhere I am. And this feeling is more than I ever hoped it would be.

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