Something I've Wished For

When I was a kid I would often dream of going to japan or a country I perceived to have great honor. I would watch movies where there would seemingly be a sweet harmony in their actions and a set code to live by. I dreamed of a world where actions had a direct equation to self-worth. As I have grown I find I'm lucky to see misplaced or mistaken loyalty before I taste bitter betrayal. I have read in history books of genocides done all in the name of honor. I've always found a deep need for self-evaluation of personal integrity because it seems so easy for people to lose. 

Angela is my queen. I try and watch my wife very carefully to see her reactions to what I do. After that I try to correct my actions were necessary to make her happy. If successful, I write blogs about it using the internet to help me articulate and figure things out further. I change the way I communicate tactfully as an individual, not to an unattainable standard of appeasement.

My loyalty is to my wife and my goal is to make her happy. When I achieve my goal I am happy, it really is that simple.  As I actively work on my goal I try to practice chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. Each of these virtues helps me in my ultimate goal of keeping my wife happy. When she smiles, my success can have no better reward. I spent my night last night scrubbing our bathroom. When I was done I was so tired but I stayed up for Angela to shower so we could cuddle and go to sleep together.

Every day we all have reliance on the character of others. Though their virtues we are able to work together to better ourselves and our society. Every virtue is up to negotiation on the definition of the high moral standard of that virtue. With this open definition its so easy to have one small justification that compromise's our very character. I love my wife so much. I will work every day to try and make my actions have the type of harmony I imagined the world had when I was young. 

Breaking the Guy Code

Some guys are going to be angry that I'm outing them and might try to deny everything, and some guys sincerely don't know they are doing this, they just have "guy talk". This is a real problem so I'm going to write about it anyway. My wife and I both work full time jobs and I'm still asked if my wife makes me dinner or cleans the apartment. Social norms seem to dictate cleaning, cooking, dishes, and laundry are just for women to do. If you've been keeping up with my blog, you should know that Angela and I are equal partners, we do everything together. When we go shopping I almost always pay, but somehow every time they always try to hand the receipt to my wife like its understood that it's her job.

When I was on Lulu there was an anonymous survey for guys asking them if they look at porn. Only 4% said that they don't look at porn. That means 96% do look at porn. 48% of those taking the survey said they look at porn every day. Three guys I know were talking and they were discussing that hookers were the way to go because you don't have to listen to the b**ching. One of them I believed to be happily married agreed that women are only good for "bedtime sports".

One guy I talked to recently said he has been out with 3 women and spent $300 and he "still has blue balls" and had he known that she wasn't going to put out, he would have just got a hooker but he's tired of having to get "checked every six months". At my last job all the guys would gather around and watch porn together. I would say 98% of all guys I've ever known don't respect their significant other at all the second they are out of hearing range. It pains me that most of the women these guys are with would say there's no way that their guy would do or be like that.. well I hope these guys are in the 2%....  But I know a lot of guys that fake an entire relationship simply for sex and laugh about it with their "bros". We all know a woman who either would or has faked a relationship for money. These women are called gold diggers and they are shamed, but there are a lot of guys out there that fake a relationship for sex. For some reason, it is not shamed at all.

I can't even fathom any of this and most of my friends can't either (most of my friends are female though). Angela is the most important person in my life and I'm tired of guys talking to me like she's a piece of meat. I'm tired of guys assuming all guys are the same that "every guy, no matter what he says, only looks at women for sex". I DON'T and I am tired of defending myself against my own gender. But it's worse for my wife because more often than not she's looked at as less than human. I can't understand this frame of mind and it disturbs me that it's so common. Please, I don't know how to change the world but I can beg for everyone to please think of women as the amazing people they are. If you have any suggestions on how to change this stigma, please comment below. I think that all we can do at this point is to raise awareness and not accept this kind of behavior as being normal.


UPDATE: This Blog was posted on Facebook and this is the response it was given. This guy pretty well proves my point...

Valentine's Day

On Saturday we made another memory that I endeavor with these blog posts to put into the written word. Angela is my best friend, confidant, and wife.  It’s amazing every time we touch.  It feels like electricity shoots out of both of us and a comfort that is super powered fills me. Time moves too fast, I wish each phase of our lives could last forever, but at the same time I look forward to each step we take.

Anyone that knows Angela and I knows how much we love Disney. This Valentine’s Day I decided to surprise Angela with a long stem rose, a card, and a premium Disneyland annual pass. Ever since I decided to commit us for a year of Disney I have been really happy about it. Angela didn't know where we were going until we were almost there and she opened her card with the tickets inside. I was overjoyed when her reaction was just as happy as I was that we had a whole year of Disney!

Angela and I simply love spending time together. Our small talk and our deep conversations go back and forth like the waves of the sea. But even when we're both silent it’s a heart pumping symphony of art and love poems.  Everything my wife and I do is an accent instrument in this symphony and in complete silence we can hear the soothing sound of our love.  As we drove home worn out from our adventure filled day, I looked over at my wife and she made me feel so happy. I realized that when we made it into each other's arms we would always have a home.

Every day feels like Valentine’s Day, a birthday or Christmas. Angela and I are so blessed that it isn't about making a day special it’s how we can make a special day magical. Every day is filled with light-hearted jokes and things like sharing hot cocoa at midnight. We both know that we are gifts meant for each other. I love these blogs because I can re-read them like a journal and play back wonderful times we've been able to share. Thank you all who read them and share in our love.

5 Things to NOT DO When Emotions are Involved

1.) Do not try to figure out if the other person's feelings are valid before you validate their feelings!
This discounts the emotions a person is feeling at the time. These emotions are real weather or not they are "justified". Guys will most likely be the culprit to this fatal mistake. Many people say "Oh, I wasn't trying to explain why they shouldn't be feeling that way... I was simply finding out why they were feeling that way..." But if you don't validate feelings before figuring them all out it makes it feel like you don't trust or value their feelings. Show sympathy and make sure they know you care they're hurting.

*Note: Just because you're validating someone's feelings, doesn't mean you are admitting fault. Sometimes "Sorry" can simply mean you have sympathy.

2.) Don't try to make up for something you did without an apology.
You may think that doing good things like buying flowers or spending extra time with them is somehow "making up" for it. But without an apology it's almost impossible to be held accountable for your actions and start to improve yourself so you don't hurt the one you love again.

 3.) Don't attack or get defensive.
I like the quote "Minds are like parachutes; they work better when they're open." The moment someone thinks they are being attacked they change their main goal into not getting hurt and listening to you goes way down on their to-do list. I understand why people attack when they feel backed into a corner it's instinct, but just like other instincts it is important to keep this one in check.

4.) Don't compartmentalize and ignore. 
It seems like most people I talk to who are older no longer seem fulfilled and happy in their marriages. Most relationships turn in to weird partnerships where parents seems to divide and conquer their children, but other than that, they're pretty much just roommates. I see a lot of marriages, even newer ones, where spouses seem to get more than enough of each other and almost seem to avoid the other one at any given opportunity. If you sense yourself moving in this direction please turn back.

5.) Don't turn things into a power struggle. Turn things into a power snuggle... :P
Don't be afraid to not have control. It takes two for a relationship to work and if one of you has all the power the other will be miserable. If you both can't compromise you should not be in that relationship.

And that's it for today's post. Don't forget to click the Facebook share button on the right of the page. :)

The 2 V's of Girl World

It is so easy for most guys to chalk women off as irrational or even crazy. I see women as cunning, resourceful, and emotional powerhouses. Women in general over think things. This is not a bad thing when compared to most guys under thinking things. We had a girls night and the girls politely asked "how do you prefer this cheese to be wrapped up?" And then preceded to put the cheese away very gingerly. Then we had a guy over, he wrapped it half way called it good; now the cheese has dry places. It is said that guys insult each other but they don't mean it and women complement each other... but they don't mean it either.

In girl world there are back handed complements like calling someone's outfit "affordable". This would look innocent enough to most guys, but to a lot of women this makes them feel unclassy and cheap. Some women even go out shopping and encourage a "friend" to buy an outfit that is not flattering on them, or talk about an outfit that would fit them really well on purpose because they know it wouldn't fit their "friend".

 I need to clarify something not all women are like this in fact most are not. The importance of why I am telling you all this is that every women knows at least one women that IS like this, and therefore is justifiably on her guard. Every jab by a woman plays to embarrass or make the other insecure. And it is so easy for a guy that has no idea about girl world to stumble on his words and say something offensive. Just as if you were to go to a different country with different customs you would be respectful. You wouldn't call them crazy and expect them to change. So please don't do this with women.

I enjoy girl talk; it relaxes me. I love to talk about my feelings and dissect situations line by line. I'm a big fan of people-watching and look forward to Pumpkin-Spice everything around Thanksgiving.  I can just go sit on a bench somewhere and appreciate how everyone is dressed or treating each other. I even enjoy Keeping up with the Kardashians as a guilty pleasure. But most importantly I understand the two V's of girl world, vent and validation. This give and take is what makes a healthy relationship and girls in general do it best.