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Thursday, February 5, 2015

5 Things to NOT DO When Emotions are Involved

1.) Do not try to figure out if the other person's feelings are valid before you validate their feelings!
This discounts the emotions a person is feeling at the time. These emotions are real weather or not they are "justified". Guys will most likely be the culprit to this fatal mistake. Many people say "Oh, I wasn't trying to explain why they shouldn't be feeling that way... I was simply finding out why they were feeling that way..." But if you don't validate feelings before figuring them all out it makes it feel like you don't trust or value their feelings. Show sympathy and make sure they know you care they're hurting.

*Note: Just because you're validating someone's feelings, doesn't mean you are admitting fault. Sometimes "Sorry" can simply mean you have sympathy.

2.) Don't try to make up for something you did without an apology.
You may think that doing good things like buying flowers or spending extra time with them is somehow "making up" for it. But without an apology it's almost impossible to be held accountable for your actions and start to improve yourself so you don't hurt the one you love again.

 3.) Don't attack or get defensive.
I like the quote "Minds are like parachutes; they work better when they're open." The moment someone thinks they are being attacked they change their main goal into not getting hurt and listening to you goes way down on their to-do list. I understand why people attack when they feel backed into a corner it's instinct, but just like other instincts it is important to keep this one in check.

4.) Don't compartmentalize and ignore. 
It seems like most people I talk to who are older no longer seem fulfilled and happy in their marriages. Most relationships turn in to weird partnerships where parents seems to divide and conquer their children, but other than that, they're pretty much just roommates. I see a lot of marriages, even newer ones, where spouses seem to get more than enough of each other and almost seem to avoid the other one at any given opportunity. If you sense yourself moving in this direction please turn back.

5.) Don't turn things into a power struggle. Turn things into a power snuggle... :P
Don't be afraid to not have control. It takes two for a relationship to work and if one of you has all the power the other will be miserable. If you both can't compromise you should not be in that relationship.

And that's it for today's post. Don't forget to click the Facebook share button on the right of the page. :)

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