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Monday, November 24, 2014

Angela is my density.

It's always more fun when I'm with Angela and last week was no exception. On opening night Angela and I went on a date to the new Hunger Games movie. We were sitting in the audience with everyone else laughing at something we found funny and something occurred to me. We were the only ones laughing. Something that was not intended to be funny had tickled us both just right into a giggling frenzy. This is magical to me, something that was not an inside joke nor something that made anyone else happy made both of us happy.



I trust Angela implicitly and confide in her all I am. She is my best friend and my wife. She is the first person I think about whenever I do anything. She is literally always on my mind and I on hers. In this way we look at things though each other's eyes sharing in everything we do. Some people are like oil and water, others are like potassium and water. Angela and I are like water and water. We have ceased to exist separately; picture pouring two glasses of water into one empty container, that's what our souls feel like. Just like this water Angela and I are the same density, we cannot be separated.



It is no doubt that Angela and I must have been made for each other. Our brains work in similar ways. According to wiki to have the same sense of humor you would have to fallow a host of variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, and intelligence. And that's just humor, so how did I get someone so perfect for me? It's plain to me that the fact she not only exists, but also loves me is a miracle. I love the paradox of how impossible love seemed in theory until Angela came along and proved it's everywhere.

We are made fun of for wearing the same color clothes places. We hear people say we are like twins. If we were both girls we would probably accidentally show up places wearing the same outfit. Bottom line is I find life amusing. I never thought I would fit anywhere in this world. I had times when I just wanted to jump out of my body so I could breathe because I felt so trapped here. But not only do I feel understood, valuable, and loved. I have someone to share these feelings with.Whether its sharing giggles at a theater or giving the best hugs in the world, Angela is my density. 


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

When Should I Compromise?

One of my favorite quotes is "Never argue with an idiot because they will only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." This is true because when you argue with someone it's important to you that the other person actually hears your side. An idiot is only capable of perpetuating their limited understanding so it's a waste of your time. I'd like to change this quote for this post to "Never compromise with someone selfish because they will only drag you down to their level and leave you with nothing" OK. Well that's all fine and good you're probably saying, but how do I know which one of us is being selfish and when is compromise even appropriate?



I know people that have this depressing thought; that compromising and settling are the same thing. They think the probability of finding their perfect prince or princess is dismal at best. This idea came about because everyone has their flaws and the prospect of settling although not romantic makes things simpler and easier. So let me set the rerecord straight right now, compromising is not a fancy word for settling. Settling implies that you're giving up a need, compromising is giving up a want.  Please never settle!


Yes people have flaws, but a beautiful thing about a relationship is that people have strengths too and people can fill the gap left by flaws like puzzle pieces. You always hear that opposites attract. Although true, it's a shame that's the phrase coined to describe it. Differences inspire curiosity and admiration for the things you don't have. This is very healthy because it's the natural way of finding those puzzle pieces that fit. An unhealthy side effect is that opposites like good and bad tend to attract as well and it's never a good thing for the nice person to get involved with the mean person. This is why it is necessary to have deal breakers.


It's not good to keep score but it's also not good to be taken advantage of.  The way around this is to make a list of things that you need to be happy. Deal breakers insure that you don't lower your standards to fit in to a relationship. These deal breakers if broken, leave you in a toxic relationship.  As long as your significant other is not breaking your deal breakers you can compromise on whatever else you want and still be happy and healthy. If they break a deal breaker you NEED to leave them and find someone that is capable of a healthy relationship. To many people think its a good idea to compromise to save a relationship that should not be saved.

Examples of deal breakers are: Lack of Affection, Physical or mental abuse, Bad hygiene, Jealousy, Infidelity, Lying, challenging your sobriety or even bad sex. Just make a list, discuss it with your significant other, and stick to it. After that everything else comes down to trusting and not being petty. So to answer the question when should I compromise? When one is willing to be unhappy so that the other is happy, then something needs to change. Please do not think your any more or less important than who you're with. You deserve your happiness too.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Why I Never Forgive

I feel like there is misconception surrounding the word "forgiveness". I feel like there is an almost altruistic air about it and self-righteousness. That though someone probably doesn't deserve it, you're going to be the "bigger person" and "forgive" them. I really don't think all people are that way, but some definitely are. I don't have issues with the actual meaning, what I have a problem with is the fa├žade that some people make it to be. 


I'm simple. An odd thing about me is when people like me and my wife, I like them too. So just ask yourself, "Do I like Sean and Angela? If the answer is yes then I wholeheartedly like you back. Words like "forgiveness" really don't mean anything to me. It doesn't really take me "time" to get over things. If you come up to me and say, "I like you, you're my friend" I am very trusting. Yes, being trusting has hurt me in the past but life's too short to be guarded. Please for anyone out there, if you think for any reason I don't like you, ask! It's definitely a misunderstanding. And however long we haven't talked to someone we can just pick up where we left off being happy and loved.



I've got a rule; if you're trying to get at me then I will not fall into your trap and get mad. And if you're not trying to get me mad then I will not get mad because what you're doing is unintentional.

Angela and I love our friends. It was very sad when we had to tell one of my older closest friends not to contact us anymore. This person was accusing us of having malicious intentions towards them. This was not the first time they had assumed this and they had escalated the situation to where we had to ask them to not contact us again. Frankly, that's not my style and it truly pains me to have to push someone away like that. It came at a bad time as well, just at the point where we had gotten through so many things, we felt like we were finally gasping for air, just to be pushed underwater again by this situation. I don't blame them, there's no way they would have known the extent of what was going on in our lives. That would be unreasonable.

Even though they were angry and threatening, I don't have any resentment in my heart. If they can just take my hand and let go of the anger we can rebuild a wonderful friendship. The second they decide to like me again, I will gladly open my arms to them with a smile and give them a big hug. And that goes for everyone. Any friendships lost either because of resentment or drifting away, I open my arms to you too. I don't want any more lost opportunities for good times with good people. Anyone who knows me can email me: breathingforherblog@gmail.com. Consider this an invitation for friendship.




My wife and I feel happiest when we are useful. When people closet to us can just start talking about what's on their mind like we are reassuring extensions of themselves. We want to be the people that when we are around they just feel happier and they don't really know why. We want to be so connected with people that they forget we are even around, like it's just natural that we would be there for them. We appreciate when people are their genuine selves around us. We need people to know that they can say or do anything around us without fear of being judged.

Angela and I love living life to the fullest. If you want to join us on our adventures of having girl's nights or anything we talk about doing with our friends just let us know :) We had a wonderful time at the Hello Kitty Con this year. We got to tour the museum and look at all the shops. Here's me with Hello Kitty Lincoln.


Friday, November 7, 2014

Angela's Disney Birthday Surprise

It is my life goal for my wife to realize how special she is. It was Angela's birthday recently and I really wanted to put forth the thought and effort to show her how much happiness her existence brings me. We have been hanging out with friends and working a lot recently and have been in need of quality alone time preferably somewhere special. Somewhere we could listen to romantic music and have quiet conversation and somewhere we could let loose and be adventurous. So I planned a quiet getaway to a hotel and a day trip in the morning to Disneyland. After all, there is always new adventure to experience at Disneyland.


I decided to make her birthday trip a surprise and didn't tell her a thing. She always tells me she loves surprises and I wanted this birthday to be more than bringing her roses or lighting a few candles. Don't get me wrong I love doing those things, I just do those things when its not her birthday too.  The day before her birthday she told me she was sad that nothing was planned for her birthday. I don't know why but I think she had a picture in her head of her making her own birthday cake and singing happy birthday to herself. It was so hard not to tell her at that point that I called her out of work, packed her bags with her favorite Disney outfits, bought her gifts, and had hopes to sweep her off her feet in the next 3 hours.... But I know if she knows anything she will figure out everything so I kept my mouth shut.



My wife and I love Disney!  She loves all the little things like Jeremy Irons voice acting in the Lion King. She knew right away when we watched Die Hard 3 it was Jeremy Irons voice on the phone. She shouted, "IT'S SCAR ON THE PHONE!!!" Our relationship is packed full of Disney magic, including our proposal at the Disney El Capitan theater. We were driving home from work when I told her that her bags were packed and we were heading to Disneyland. SHE WAS SO HAPPY!



The first thing we did was check into a our hotel and took a walk to Downtown Disney. We got a caramel apple and Angela's favorite gluten free pizza. Then we went back to the hotel and rested up for her big Disney birthday. When Angela got up she put on her Minnie Mouse shirt, her cute little red bow, and one of her biggest smiles that I cherish so much. We ate breakfast at the hotel before heading out to the park. It was Thursday so the park was empty enough to ride on all the rides Angela wanted to. I brought gluten free snacks to eat in line and we had an amazing day.



It always makes me so happy to see my wife happy! Angela is truly everything I've ever wanted. I'm filled with the purest happiness when I think about how I get to love her forever. She's my entire world and I couldn't imagine my life without her. If she's sad, then I'm sad and if she's happy, I'm happy. She's not only part of me she's the best part. That's why this blog exists; I want to be the breath of life she is for me. I can only hope through active kindness I can find ways to show her my heart, my soul, and my love. I'm am so grateful that I got to share in her birthday this year and I look forward to many more to come.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

My Confession


Some people fear that when the storms of life beat down, their marriage will fall apart and wash away. This blog is about the good times my wife and I share when looking at the world with hope. However, I would like to take a moment to look back at a time when hope seemed like a novelty less afforded.  Once upon a time not so long ago, my life was filled with uncertainty.  When Angela and I started dating I was going through the darkest time in my life. I confess I selfishly fell for Angela when I shouldn't have been in a relationship with anyone.

We all know those people that have the personality to play the victim all the time. I am not one of those people. I'm very embarrassed how much of a crying wreck I was at the beginning of our relationship. I was in a dismal place relatable to a time I went in to get blood drawn at the hospitable. They asked me if the new girl in training could try to take my blood. I said, "Sure! No problem!" I jumped at the opportunity to be strong and useful. However after she missed the vein 4 times and I had blood running down my arm, I felt so sick. Logically I knew I was in no danger. Logically I really thought I could handle whatever came my way. But after dry heaving in the trash can a few times I had to come to the realization that will power alone was not going to save me, sometimes out of weakness you involuntarily break down. And instead of happiness you're faced with damage control.

 

When I met Angela, my whole life was in this state of mental damage control. The trait I admire most and has been most helpful in our marriage is Angela's quiet determination. I felt when I told Angela my circumstance she would have left me to fend for myself. After all, how attached could she be having just started dating me? If I was a third party I would have told her "All that boy can hope for is to sort through his problems before you find someone else." After all, that's more than reasonable for someone you just started dating. But she didn't leave; she didn't even take a step back. She stood by me weathering the storm and nurturing me. I will never forget how much of an angel in my life Angela was and still is.

Unlike others in my life, Angela has never once made me cry. Whenever I hear the words "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." I smile, because I know she already proved she will. And now I try to prove I can be there for her too. Preparation for this was now my responsibility. I don't live for myself I live for us and I will never take Angela for granted. You always hear of the white knight upon a fiery steed saving the damsel in distress. Well Angela's no damsel in distress, but I knew someday life would probably get hard again and I needed to toughen up to help her the way she already helped me.


As I told you a little bit about in my first post, when we first got married life got tumultuous. By nature we are not pity seekers.Very few of our friends even know the entirety of how tumultuous our life has been since we got married. It seemed like everything we did was cursed, but Angela's example of quiet determination in adversity when we were dating prepared me to help her when she needed it. I am convinced we can handle anything that comes our way now. I know now when life turns into a state of damage control I am capable of playing my part in weathering the storm. Come what may without fear we will be there for one another.