How Stress Shapes Our Communication in Marriage

Hungarian endocrinologist Hans Selye in the 1930s often referred to as the "Father of Stress Research" proposed the GAS model. It is a theoretical framework that describes the body's response to stress. Selye developed the GAS model to explain the physiological responses to stress. I thought it would be fun to explore it with my normal satirical sense of humor.

Lets examine how the GAS model can shape our communication styles within a marriage.

1.      The Alarm Phase: When an issue arises, let the stress response take over and kick-start the alarm phase. React instinctively by channeling your inner drama queen (or king) and blowing things out of proportion. After all, why calmly address a problem when you can raise it to a catastrophic level?

2.      The Resistance Phase: Embrace the spirit of stubbornness and dig your heels in during arguments. This phase is all about resisting compromise and holding steadfast to your position, regardless of its rationality. Remember, winning the argument is far more important than finding a solution!

3.      The Exhaustion Phase: Let the stress and emotional turmoil drain your energy. Give up on meaningful communication and resort to passive-aggressive tactics, sighs of exasperation, and eye rolls. Who needs effective dialogue when you can communicate through subtle gestures and weary sighs?

 

Problem-Solving Strategies Gone Wrong In this section, we'll delve into some humorous approaches to problem-solving influenced by the GAS model.

1.      The Overwhelm Overdrive: Amp up the stress levels by bombarding your partner with a laundry list of unresolved issues. Ensure they feel the weight of every unresolved problem simultaneously. Remember, quantity over quality is the name of the game!

2.      The Exhaustion Escapade: When faced with a problem, succumb to the exhaustion phase and give up on finding a resolution. Embrace the "ignorance is bliss" philosophy and sweep the issue under the rug, hoping it magically disappears.

3.      The Adaptation Asylum: As you adapt to recurring problems, let them become your new normal. Don't bother seeking growth or change. After all, who needs personal development when you can comfortably settle into the same old dysfunctional routine?

Emotional Maneuvers and Guilt Trips, lets explore emotional manipulation tactics intertwined with the GAS model.

1.      The Stress-Sourced Guilt Trip: Expertly tap into your partner's emotions by highlighting the stressors in your life and subtly implying that they are to blame. Make them feel responsible for your stress-induced ailments, even if the connection is dubious at best. Guilt is the spice that seasons any argument!

2.      The Emotional Exhaustion Extravaganza: Amplify the emotional toll of every disagreement by pouring all your frustrations into a single explosive outburst. Let the stress build up until it bursts forth like a volcano, leaving your partner astounded and emotionally drained.

3.      The Adaptation Abandonment: Forget personal growth and development. Instead, adapt to your partner's shortcomings by surrendering your own needs and desires. After all, why bother striving for mutual growth when you can just go with the flow and compromise your happiness?

So, next time you find yourself caught in the whirlwind of stress within your relationship, remember to pause, take a deep breath, and perhaps choose a different path than the comical missteps outlined in this blog.

 

If you liked this post you should check out this one. https://www.breathingforher.com/2023/05/beyond-fate-beauty-of-choosing-our-path.html

The Dangerous Pitfalls of Misguided Marriage Advice

Don't overthink the platitudes you use, and feel free to follow them strictly. Here are some that will help you live your best life. (Don't actually do these things)

 "A happy wife means a happy life" - The key to a happy marriage is making sure your wife is happy. Just remember to always put her needs first, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness and well-being.

 "A good marriage is like a fairy tale" - A good marriage is just like a fairy tale. Just make sure to marry someone who's equally as unrealistic as a fairy tale character, and you're all set!

"Love means never having to say you're sorry" - That's right, true love means never admitting you're wrong or apologizing for your mistakes. It's the perfect recipe for a long-lasting, toxic relationship. 

"Time heals all wounds" - Who cares about lasting effects of trauma and grief. Unrealistic expectations are the perfect way for people struggling to heal.

 "Marriage is a 50/50 partnership" - Make sure you split everything down the middle, from the household chores to the emotional labor. And don't forget to keep score to make sure it stays perfectly equal.

 "Marriage is all about compromise" - That's right, compromise. Just make sure you're always the one doing the compromising, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness and needs.

"Money can't buy happiness" -  Financial stability and security are not important, and dismissing the role of money in our lives can be a great way to relieve stress.

 "Marriage is about finding your other half" - That's right, you're only half a person until you find your soulmate. So make sure to look for someone who completes you, codependency is romantic!

"Marriage is about finding your better half" - That's right, your partner should always be better than you in every way. Make sure to constantly compare yourself to them and feel inadequate.

"Opposites attract" - It's true what they say, opposites do attract. So make sure to get a partner with opposite qualities where you have nothing in common like their lack of hygiene and love for reality TV!" 

"The early bird catches the worm" - It's a known fact that people never function better at different times of the day, what better way to live your life than in a culture of competition and pressure to conform.

"Love conquers all" - When faced with a difficult problem, remind your partner that your love is strong enough to overcome any obstacle. Make sure if they can't figure it out to let them know how much they have failed to love you.

"Communication is key" -  You should communicate everything to your partner, no matter how trivial or insignificant. Make sure to constantly check in with them, even if they're clearly busy or uninterested. After all, if you're not communicating every thought and feeling, you're not truly in a relationship.

"A happy marriage takes work" -  Work tirelessly to keep your marriage afloat. Never take a break, never relax, never let your guard down. If you're not constantly working on your relationship, it's sure to fall apart. So make sure to dedicate all your time and energy to keeping your spouse happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs and wants. 

"Give it time" - That's right, if your marriage is going through a rough patch, just sit back and wait for things to magically get better. Don't bother trying to address the underlying issues or work on improving your communication, just have blind faith that time will fix everything. After all, it's not like relationships require effort or anything. Just wait it out and hope for the best!

"Everything happens for a reason" - Every tragedy, heartbreak, and setback in your life has a specific purpose that will eventually reveal itself. Grief is a complex emotion that is unique to each individual but  telling the person that their grief is unwarranted and that they should just accept what has happened is a great way to cover every complicity with one simple phrase!

 "Forgive and forget" -  The best way to deal with conflict in marriage is to just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. Don't bother working through your feelings or trying to understand your partner's perspective, just forgive them and move on as quickly as possible. After all, holding onto resentment and seeking true resolution is overrated. It's much easier to just put on a fake smile and pretend everything's fine, even if it's not.

"Marriage is about making sacrifices" - The key to a successful marriage is sacrificing your own wants and needs to make your partner happy. Who needs personal autonomy or individuality when you have a spouse to prioritize above all else? Whether it's giving up your dream career, hobbies, or friendships, remember that your marriage should always come first, even if it means losing a part of yourself in the process. After all, isn't losing your identity just a small price to pay for love?

In conclusion, it's important to be cautious about the marriage advice we follow. Platitudes like these can lead us down a dangerous path of unrealistic expectations and unhealthy habits. Instead, let's prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and individual growth within our marriages. Remember, a happy and healthy marriage takes effort and compromise from both partners, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. So let's steer clear of these misguided platitudes and create our own unique, fulfilling, and sustainable path to happiness.

If you liked this post please consider reading this one

 

Beyond Fate: The Beauty of Choosing Our Path in Love

 

Looking back on our journey together, I realize that our love story is a testament to the power of cause and effect. Every decision we made, every action we took, led us to where we are today - in a happy and loving marriage.

Some people might attribute our relationship to fate or a higher power, but I don't believe in coincidences. Everyday as more information can be calculated into statistical probability the idea of coincidence becomes more unlikely. I believe that our choices and actions have a direct impact on our lives. Reflecting on our journey together, I realize that it was my choice to approach Angela that day, to strike up a conversation, and to pursue her with all my heart. And through our continued effort and dedication, we've been able to build a beautiful life together.

I think that's the beauty of not leaving things up to chance or fate. When we take responsibility for our lives, we empower ourselves to create the future we want. We're not at the mercy of a higher power or cosmic force - we're the architects of our own destiny. Attributing success to abstract factors or dismissing one's own efforts and abilities can be counterproductive, as it can prevent a person from recognizing their strengths and identifying areas for improvement.

However, I also recognize that there may be other factors at play beyond our individual control. It's possible that a higher power, whether it be God or some other divine force, has had a hand in shaping our lives and bringing us together. And even if we cannot fully understand or explain these forces, it doesn't diminish the impact of our own choices and actions.

To me I find it more healthy to attribute things outside of my control to statistical circumstances, rather than an unknown power that could be judging me. This is because attributing events to external factors that are beyond our control, such as statistical circumstances, can help maintain a sense of perspective and avoid feelings of guilt or shame.

But of course, that's not to say that ethics don't play a role in our lives. In fact, I would argue that ethics are more important than predetermined platitudes or dogmas. When we make ethical decisions, we act in accordance with our values and our sense of what's right. We don't simply follow a set of rules or beliefs without questioning them.

In my relationship with Angela, ethics have been crucial. Our commitment to honesty, kindness, and compassion has been the foundation of our love. We've faced challenges and disagreements, but we've always come back to those values. And because of that, we've grown closer and stronger.

I'm filled with gratitude for the power of cause and effect, the importance of ethics, and the beauty of not leaving things up to chance or fate. Angela, my love for you grows stronger every day, and I will always cherish you. Here's to another decade of growing and learning together.

Beyond Words: Understanding the Importance of Nonverbal Communication in Love and Marriage

 

As someone who is passionate about effective communication, I am excited to share with you how my wife, Angela, and I have developed a strong and healthy relationship through the use of various communication strategies.

One of the most important strategies we have used is active listening. Active listening involves giving our full attention to our partner, without interrupting or judging them. We validate each other's experiences and show genuine interest in each other's thoughts and feelings. By doing so, we create a safe space for open and honest communication, which is essential for building trust and emotional intimacy.

We also ask open-ended questions to gain deeper insight into each other's perspectives. By exploring each other's thought processes, we have been able to understand each other better and avoid misunderstandings.

In addition to verbal communication, we pay close attention to nonverbal communication, such as body language and tone of voice. Facial expressions, body posture, and hand gestures can provide insight into someone's emotional state. For example,

• Crossing arms or legs may indicate defensiveness or discomfort
• Leaning in or tilting the head may indicate interest or engagement
• A furrowed brow or narrowed eyes may indicate confusion or concentration
• A tilted head or raised eyebrows may indicate curiosity or surprise
• A relaxed posture and open stance may indicate comfort and ease
• Rapid breathing or a pounding heart may indicate anxiety or fear
• Smiling with the eyes, also known as a Duchenne smile, may indicate genuine happiness or amusement

By paying attention to these subtle cues, we are better able to understand each other's thoughts and emotions.

We also recognize the importance of empathy in effective communication. Empathy involves understanding and sharing someone else's feelings. By putting ourselves in each other's shoes, we are able to communicate with compassion and understanding, even in challenging situations.

Through our commitment to effective communication, Angela and I have developed a deep understanding and respect for each other's needs, desires, and emotions. We have learned to navigate challenges and disagreements with empathy and understanding, which has strengthened our bond and allowed us to grow together as a couple.

As we approach our 10th anniversary, I am filled with gratitude for my relationship with Angela and for the opportunity to share our communication strategies with you. I hope our experience can inspire others to prioritize effective communication in their own relationships, both verbal and nonverbal.

Moving Beyond Buzzwords: The Importance of Genuine Critical Thinking and Common Sense

 

As someone who has been in many heated debates (some might call them arguments), I can attest to the importance of critical thinking and common sense in our daily lives. However, I've noticed that these terms can mean different things to different people, and that not everyone uses them in the most productive way.

For instance, I once knew someone who claimed to value critical thinking and common sense, but only when it confirmed their pre-existing beliefs. To them, being right was more important than engaging in a productive discussion or learning from others.

But let's face it, we've all been there. We've all had moments where we desperately want to be right, whether it's about politics, religion, or the best way to make a grilled cheese sandwich. And changing our minds can be difficult, especially if it means admitting that we were wrong or facing the possibility of changing our deeply held beliefs.

However, I believe that true critical thinking and common sense require us to be willing to examine our beliefs and assumptions, and to consider new evidence and perspectives that may challenge them. This means being open-minded, curious, and willing to learn from others, even if it means facing some uncomfortable truths along the way.

Of course, this is easier said than done, and we all have our blind spots and biases that can make it hard to see things from different perspectives. But that's where humor can come in handy. As the great comedian George Carlin once said, "Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist."

So, let's all strive to approach every issue with a sense of humor and a willingness to learn from each other. Let's be open-minded, curious, and willing to change our minds when the evidence warrants it. And let's remember that being right isn't everything - sometimes the journey of discovery and learning is just as important as the destination.

In conclusion, critical thinking and common sense are more than just buzzwords - they are essential skills for navigating the complexities of our modern world. So let's all strive to cultivate these skills in our daily lives, and to approach every issue with an open mind and a sense of humor.

Thank you for reading, and until next time, keep thinking critically and using your common sense (and don't forget to laugh along the way)!

Navigating Disagreements with Ease and Good Humor

I am honored to share with you an astute observation: marriage and advertising share several similarities. Allow me to explain.

In the realm of advertising, three key techniques are utilized to influence individuals: Ethos, Pathos, and Logos. Ethos refers to the establishment of credibility, Pathos to the elicitation of emotion, and Logos to the persuasion of logic. How do these apply to marriage, you may ask? Let me illustrate.

My wife, Angela, and I have been happily married for nearly a decade. Although we have occasional disagreements, we have found that employing Ethos, Pathos, and Logos can help us navigate these situations with ease and good humor.

Firstly, let us discuss Ethos. In marriage, this entails recognizing and valuing each other's areas of expertise. Angela is a handywoman who can fix anything around the house and has an excellent eye for detail. In contrast, I am skilled at starting projects but not always great at finishing them. When we work on projects together, I make sure to recognize Angela's expertise and follow her lead in finishing touches, which not only showcases her skills but also reinforces our mutual respect for each other.

Next, we have Pathos, a technique that is crucial but often delicate in marriage. Pathos involves evoking emotions, which can be challenging when tensions run high. However, through empathy, humor, and mutual understanding, we have found that we can resolve conflicts amicably. For instance, suppose we have a disagreement about a trivial matter such as who forgot to buy toilet paper. Instead of getting upset or defensive, I might try to lighten the mood by making a lighthearted comment such as, "Looks like we're going to have to resort to the ancient method of using leaves. Should we start collecting now?" By diffusing the tension with humor and acknowledging the absurdity of the situation, we can move past the disagreement and find a solution together.

Lastly, we have Logos, which refers to the use of logic and reasoning to support one's position. In marriage, this entails presenting a well-reasoned argument that supports our respective points of view. Suppose we are deciding on a vacation destination. Angela might propose a location that she thinks would be ideal, and I might present a counter-argument. Instead of merely stating my preference, I would support my argument with logical reasons, such as how the proposed location may not be practical due to high costs or logistical difficulties. By presenting a clear and reasoned perspective, we can engage in constructive dialogue and reach a decision that satisfies us both.

Thus, esteemed readers, the application of Ethos, Pathos, and Logos can be a powerful tool in maintaining a healthy and harmonious marriage. By recognizing and valuing each other's strengths, employing empathy and humor, and presenting clear and reasoned arguments, we can navigate disagreements with ease and good humor. I encourage you to try these techniques the next time you find yourselves at odds, and observe the difference they can make in your relationship.

Breaking Free: Our Journey to Finding True Love and Overcoming Societal Conditioning

 

I am excited to share with you the story of my beautiful wife, Angela, and our journey to finding true love and happiness together. Almost 10 years ago, I met Angela and was immediately struck by her beauty and intelligence. We had so much in common, and it wasn't long before we fell head over heels in love and got married.

As our relationship grew, we began to realize that the world's influence was creeping into our lives, and we were bombarded with messages about how we should act, what we should buy, and who we should be. It was suffocating, to say the least, but we refused to let the world dictate our relationship.

Together, we turned to psychological principles such as Heider's Balance Theory and cognitive dissonance to guide us. We evaluated our beliefs and questioned the conditioning that had been imposed on us by the world, even if those beliefs were deeply ingrained in us. We knew that we had to form our own opinions based on what we believed to be true and important, and not what society or others wanted us to believe.

We also used the Bite Model to identify when we were being manipulated by others. By paying attention to how we were being controlled through things like guilt, fear, and flattery, we learned to recognize when someone was using tactics like the Appeal to Authority Logical Fallacy to make us believe something that wasn't necessarily true.

Through our journey, we discovered that breaking free from societal conditioning is not always easy, and we sometimes fell back into old patterns of behavior or doubted ourselves. But with the knowledge we had gained, we recognized the backfire effect when it occurred and were able to adjust our thinking to avoid it.

As we worked to break free from the world's influence, our love for each other grew stronger. We discovered that true love is about more than just physical attraction or shared interests. It's about accepting each other for who we are and supporting each other in the pursuit of our dreams and goals.

Now, almost 10 years into our marriage, we have built a life together based on our own values and beliefs, rather than those imposed on us. We know that we'll face challenges and obstacles along the way, but we're confident that we can overcome them together.

To those who may be feeling overwhelmed by the world's influence in their own relationships, know that you're not alone. By using principles like Heider's Balance Theory, cognitive dissonance, and the Bite Model, you can break free from societal conditioning and form your own opinions based on what you believe to be true and important. And if you encounter the backfire effect along the way, recognize it and adjust your thinking to avoid it.

To my dear Angela, thank you for embarking on this journey with me. I am grateful for your love, support, and commitment to building a life based on our own values and beliefs. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, navigating the challenges and celebrating the joys together.