Marriage Problems? No Worries! Just Use These Logical Fallacies to Avoid Them

Did you know that you can use logical fallacies to sidestep problems in your marriage? It's true! Here are 31 flavors of logical fallacies that will save your marriage (or not):

1. Ad Hominem - This fallacy is perfect for when you want to attack your partner's character instead of dealing with the issue at hand. Did they forget to take out the trash again? Instead of calmly discussing it, attack their character by calling them lazy and irresponsible. That'll solve the problem, right?
   
   
   
2. Straw Man - If your partner brings up an issue that you don't want to deal with, simply misrepresent their argument and attack that instead. For example, if they say they want more quality time together, you can pretend they said they hate all your hobbies and want you to give them up completely. That'll show them!
   
   
   
3. Slippery Slope - This fallacy is perfect for when you want to convince your partner that one small issue will inevitably lead to a catastrophic outcome. If they want to go out with friends one night, just tell them that if they do, they'll end up neglecting you and the kids, losing their job, and eventually ending up homeless. That'll make them think twice!
   
   
   
4. Appeal to Emotion - Instead of using reason and logic, appeal to your partner's emotions to get what you want. If you want them to buy you a fancy new gadget, tell them that it'll make you feel loved and appreciated. That'll guilt-trip them into buying it for you!
   
   
   
5. False Dilemma - This fallacy is perfect for when you want to limit your partner's options and force them to choose between two bad options. For example, if they want to go on a weekend trip with their friends, you can tell them that they either go on the trip and risk ruining your marriage, or they stay home and prove that they don't care about their friends. That'll make them feel trapped and powerless!
   
   
   
6. The fallacy of ad antiquitatem - This is when someone argues that something is true or good simply because it has been around for a long time. For example: want you wife to do all the housework? Just remind her traditional gender roles are better than modern ones, because they have been in place for centuries!
   
   
   
7. Fallacy of composition - Assume that what is true for one person is true for everyone. For example, if your friend's husband is always doing the dishes, tell your own partner that "all good husbands" do the dishes. This will put pressure on them to conform to your standards, even if it's not something they're comfortable with.
   
   
   
8. False cause - Blame your partner for things that are completely out of their control. For example, if it starts raining on your picnic, tell your partner that it's all their fault for not checking the weather beforehand. This will help you avoid taking responsibility for your own mistakes and shift the blame onto them.
   
   
   
9. Red Herring - When your partner brings up an uncomfortable topic, distract them by changing the subject to something completely unrelated. For example, if they mention that you've been spending too much money, start talking about your favorite TV show instead. Crisis averted!
   
   
   
10. Tu Quoque - This fallacy is perfect for when your partner accuses you of something, but you don't want to take responsibility. Simply turn the tables on them by pointing out a similar behavior of theirs! For example, if they say you spend too much time on your phone, remind them that they do the same thing.
    
    
    
11. Appeal to Tradition - If your partner suggests trying something new, remind them that you've always done things a certain way and that tradition is important. Who needs progress and innovation when you can stick to what you know?
    
    
    
12. Begging the Question - If your partner questions your argument, simply repeat your original statement as if it's already been proven. For example, if they ask why you think you're always right, just say, "Because I am, obviously."
    
    
    
    
13. Loaded Question - Ask your partner a question that assumes a certain answer, and then use their answer to prove your point. For example, ask, "Do you think it's fair for me to have to do all the chores around here?" If they say no, you can accuse them of being lazy and unwilling to help.
    
    
    
14. Hasty Generalization - If your partner does something you don't like once, assume they'll do it every time. For example, if they forget to call you on their lunch break, assume they don't care about you at all and are never thinking about you.
    
    
    
15. Non Sequitur - During an argument make a statement that seems to support your position but is irrelevant to the issue at hand. For example, "I always do the dishes, so you can't complain about me not taking out the trash."

16. Fallacy Fallacy - If your partner accuses you of using a logical fallacy, just tell them that pointing out fallacies is a fallacy itself. That way, you can continue using fallacious arguments without consequence.
    
    
    
17. Confirmation Bias - Only seek out information that confirms your own beliefs and opinions, and ignore anything that contradicts them. For example, if your partner disagrees with your opinion on a particular topic, only listen to sources that agree with you.
    
    
    
18. Cherry Picking - This is similar to confirmation bias, but instead of ignoring contradictory information, selectively choose only the information that supports your argument. For example, if your partner is arguing that you need to start saving money, only present them with examples of successful people who spend recklessly.
    
    
    
19. Appeal to Authority - This fallacy is perfect for when you want to shut down any disagreement with your opinions or actions by invoking the name of a revered church leader. If your partner questions your decision to donate all your savings to the church, simply respond with "Well, Pastor Smith said that giving generously is the path to salvation, so who are you to question that?" This will make them feel guilty for daring to doubt the wisdom of a respected church authority, and will ensure that they keep their objections to themselves in the future. Remember, when in doubt, always appeal to the authority of the church!
    
    
    
20. Bandwagon Fallacy - If your partner disagrees with you, just tell them that everyone else agrees with you. For example, if they think you're being unreasonable, tell them that all your friends and family members support your position.
    
    
    
21. Anecdotal Fallacy - Use personal anecdotes to support your argument, even if they're not relevant or statistically significant. For example, if your partner thinks you need to spend less time on your phone, tell them about how your phone helped you save a friend's life once.
    
    
    
22. Genetic Fallacy / Argumentum ad populum - Dismiss your partner's argument based on its origin or source, rather than its actual content. For example, if they present you with evidence that contradicts your position, tell them that you don't trust that source because it's biased.
    
    
    
23. Appeal to Ignorance - If you don't have any evidence to support your argument, just tell your partner that they can't prove you wrong. For example, if they ask for evidence that your spending habits are sustainable, tell them that they can't prove that they're not.
    
    
    
24. No True Scotsman - This fallacy is perfect for when you want to exclude certain people from a group based on arbitrary criteria. If your partner suggests inviting their friend who is a vegetarian to your barbecue, just respond with "Well, if they're not willing to eat meat like a true Scotsman, do we really want them there?" This will make your partner feel like they have to choose between their friend and their loyalty to your group.
    
    
    
25. Appeal to Fear - Convince your partner that something terrible will happen if they don't do what you want. For example, "If you don't agree to this, I'll have to leave you and then you'll be all alone."
    
    
    
26. Personal Incredulity - Dismiss your partner's argument simply because you don't understand it or don't want to take the time to try. For example, "I don't know what you're talking about, so it must not be important."
    
    
    
27. Ad Misericordiam - Use emotional appeal to manipulate someone's sympathies, rather than using rational argument. For example, if your partner accuses you of being emotionally distant, you might turn it around and say that you're just going through a tough time and they should feel sorry for you, rather than addressing the issue at hand.
    
    
    
28. Sunk Cost Fallacy - This fallacy is perfect for when you want to continue investing time or resources into something simply because you've already invested so much. For example, let's say you and your partner have been planning a vacation for months, but at the last minute, your partner has to cancel due to work. Instead of accepting the loss and cancelling the trip, you decide to go alone because you've already paid for the hotel and activities. You convince yourself that it's better to go alone than waste the money you've already spent, even though the trip won't be as enjoyable without your partner. That'll teach them to value your time more!
    
    
    
29. Fallacy of Composition - This fallacy occurs when you assume that what is true of one part must be true of the whole. For example, if your spouse is always late, you might assume that they are unreliable in all aspects of their life.
    
    
    
30. Fallacy of Division - This fallacy is the opposite of the fallacy of composition. It occurs when you assume that what is true of the whole must be true of the parts. For example, if you assume that because you and your partner are both good communicators, that means your marriage will always have great communication.
    
    
    
31. Fallacy of the single cause - Financial woes? No problem! Blame it all on your partner's daily latte habit! Sure, there may be other factors contributing to your financial stress, but why bother exploring those when you can just blame it all on the fact that your partner spends $5 a day on coffee

 

So, there you have it - 31 logical fallacies that will save your marriage. Of course, I don't actually recommend using any of these fallacies in your marriage. Instead, try communicating openly and honestly with your partner, and work together to find solutions to your problems. It may not be easy, but it'll be worth it in the end."

 

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