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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

When Should I Compromise?

One of my favorite quotes is "Never argue with an idiot because they will only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." This is true because when you argue with someone it's important to you that the other person actually hears your side. An idiot is only capable of perpetuating their limited understanding so it's a waste of your time. I'd like to change this quote for this post to "Never compromise with someone selfish because they will only drag you down to their level and leave you with nothing" OK. Well that's all fine and good you're probably saying, but how do I know which one of us is being selfish and when is compromise even appropriate?

I know people that have this depressing thought; that compromising and settling are the same thing. They think the probability of finding their perfect prince or princess is dismal at best. This idea came about because everyone has their flaws and the prospect of settling although not romantic makes things simpler and easier. So let me set the rerecord straight right now, compromising is not a fancy word for settling. Settling implies that you're giving up a need, compromising is giving up a want.  Please never settle!

Yes people have flaws, but a beautiful thing about a relationship is that people have strengths too and people can fill the gap left by flaws like puzzle pieces. You always hear that opposites attract. Although true, it's a shame that's the phrase coined to describe it. Differences inspire curiosity and admiration for the things you don't have. This is very healthy because it's the natural way of finding those puzzle pieces that fit. An unhealthy side effect is that opposites like good and bad tend to attract as well and it's never a good thing for the nice person to get involved with the mean person. This is why it is necessary to have deal breakers.

It's not good to keep score but it's also not good to be taken advantage of.  The way around this is to make a list of things that you need to be happy. Deal breakers insure that you don't lower your standards to fit in to a relationship. These deal breakers if broken, leave you in a toxic relationship.  As long as your significant other is not breaking your deal breakers you can compromise on whatever else you want and still be happy and healthy. If they break a deal breaker you NEED to leave them and find someone that is capable of a healthy relationship. To many people think its a good idea to compromise to save a relationship that should not be saved.

Examples of deal breakers are: Lack of Affection, Physical or mental abuse, Bad hygiene, Jealousy, Infidelity, Lying, challenging your sobriety or even bad sex. Just make a list, discuss it with your significant other, and stick to it. After that everything else comes down to trusting and not being petty. So to answer the question when should I compromise? When one is willing to be unhappy so that the other is happy, then something needs to change. Please do not think your any more or less important than who you're with. You deserve your happiness too.

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