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Monday, March 20, 2017

Don't Marry for Love

Guest Post by Angela-

As I was blow drying my hair this morning, as a lot of introspection normally starts of course, I was thinking to myself, "How did I get so lucky? With all the people that I've dated, how come I ended up with the best person possible?" So many people fall in love with someone and then their marriage ends up being so much worse than anyone could have ever imagined. Sometimes, it's not that either person is a "bad person" it's just that these two people don't work well together.

I started thinking about all my friends and family who are not married and what advice I would want to give them in looking for a partner. Please realize, I know I'm not some all knowing wise old sage but this is the conclusion that I've come to as to why my relationship is so successful.

Don't marry for love. I know if you are anything like me this seems counter-intuitive. I have had the idea that “if you try hard enough you can make any marriage work” Beaten into me. I would like to take this opportunity to beat the opposite into as many people as I can. Even though most romantic comedy, princess stories would tell you otherwise; if you give 100% of yourself  and your partner gives 0% that’s still only 50% of a relationship.

I think these stories have been so romanticized that people think that love is the most important aspect in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, love is very important. It's just so easy to love someone who is bad for you or to you. I've done it. Plenty of times. I think anyone who has been in a few relationships would agree that it's easy to love the wrong person. I've dated some pretty terrible people, some who were legitimately abusive. It's so easy to justify someone's bad qualities when you love them.

This is why I would say I didn't marry just for love. I also married someone who is my other half, my best friend. We have a lot of shared interests. I am happy to spend every moment of every day together. Every night is like a sleep over. If something is bothering me, I don't vent to some other friend for validation, I tell my best friend aka my spouse. We understand each other completely and have great communication. We aren't perfect but if there's anything at all we talk to each other and work it out. To me, this is so much more important than love alone. It's easy to love the wrong person. Find someone you love, but make sure they are also your best friend.

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