The Trap of Chasing a Perfect Dream

 

We dream of walking through Tokyo side streets at midnight, the city quiet except for neon lights reflecting in puddles, the aroma of ramen drifting through narrow alleys. It’s a vision that makes our hearts race, not because it’s just a place, but because it represents something deeper: freedom, discovery, and being fully alive together. Yet as intoxicating as it is, we’re mindful of a subtle danger, the way our minds can build an “ego ideal,” an imagined version of life we feel we must reach to be happy. Neuroscience shows that when we fixate on such ideals, our brain can actually flood us with stress hormones, making desire feel urgent and disappointment sharper.

 

In literature, this is vividly illustrated in The Great Gatsby. Gatsby’s tragedy isn’t simply that he loved someone impossible, it’s that his entire sense of self, his happiness, and even his worth were tied to achieving a dream of the past. The green light at the end of Daisy’s dock became a symbol of his ideal self, but it was a fragile, imagined version of life. We admire Gatsby’s hope, but we also see the warning: when love and happiness are bound to one singular, perfect image, reality can never measure up.

For us, the dream isn’t just a destination, it’s a feeling: wandering freely, tasting life in quiet, intimate moments, discovering joy together. These are qualities we can cultivate anywhere, even if we’re not in Tokyo. Evening walks, spontaneous late-night meals, or simply pausing to be present with each other can capture the same pulse of wonder and freedom. By focusing on these shared experiences, we honor the essence of our dream while keeping our hearts grounded in the love we live every day.

 

Our love is tangible. It’s the warmth of hands held in the dark, the laughter that rises unexpectedly over something small, the quiet certainty of presence. These moments are our reality, and by nurturing them, we protect ourselves from turning a dream into a rigid measure of worth. The ego ideal, when left unchecked, can make even real love feel like it’s never enough. But when love and shared presence are central, the dream becomes a source of inspiration, not a source of anxiety.

So we hold the dream lightly, but we hold each other tightly. Japan may be the ultimate canvas for our midnight walks and ramen adventures, but the life we build together, our freedom, curiosity, and joy, exists everywhere we are. By understanding how the mind can fixate on ideals and choosing to anchor ourselves in love and shared moments, we make the dream unbreakable. Not because it exists in one perfect city, but because it exists in us, alive in every step we take together.