The Sacred Quiet of "Easy"

 

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, a day the world usually spends romanticizing the "struggle." We are taught that love is a battlefield, that it requires grueling compromise, and that if it isn't an uphill climb, it somehow isn't real. We’ve been conditioned to believe that friction is a measurement of passion.

Years ago, I wrote about the "Secret of Appreciation"—the intentional choice to stop nitpicking the flaws and start watering the garden. It was about building a foundation of peace. Today, looking at Angela after thirteen years, I’ve realized that the "work" people talk about isn't a destination; it’s a clearing.

The truth is: Our love is easy. And I’ve come to realize that this ease isn't a lack of effort it’s the ultimate achievement of it. I know if I say efficient love it sounds cold, but it's the warmest thing.

 

 

The Evolution of Effort

When people say "marriage is hard," they are often describing the exhaustion of two souls trying to merge without a shared rhythm. But there is a different stage of love that no one tells you about, the stage where the friction burns away.

It isn’t that the "work" stops; it just evolves. It changes from the heavy lifting of construction to the steady grace of momentum. In those early years, we chose radical honesty and refined how we spoke to one another. We weren't just solving problems; we were learning each other’s language. Now, we don’t spend our energy maintaining the relationship; we use the peace of the relationship to face the world.

Mastery vs. Struggle

There’s a misconception that if a relationship is easy, it means you’ve stopped trying. But I see it differently. It’s the difference between a beginner clumsily practicing scales and a master playing a concerto.

 

The beginner’s work is visible, loud, and strained. The master’s work is invisible, fluid, and looks like magic. But both are the result of dedicated, daily practice. We haven't stopped trying; we’ve simply become so proficient at loving each other that the effort has become a second nature, a breath we don't have to think about taking.

A Fortress for the Soul

In a world that grows more chaotic by the day, having a "home" that is easy to return to is the greatest luxury a human can known. Because our love is easy, we have the emotional bandwidth to be brave everywhere else. We aren't exhausted by each other; we are fueled by each other.

To Angela: Thank you for being my easiest "yes" every single day. Thank you for proving that "hard love" is a myth we don't have to subscribe to. We did the work, we made the choices, and now we get to live in the beautiful, earned simplicity of being us.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Here’s to the quiet, powerful ease of another year