Grand canyon girls trip

Angela and I had the wonderful opportunity to take our good friends Afra and Erika on a road trip. While traveling by airplane is nice, the perks of a road trip far outweigh the perks of air travel. When you are on the open road, spontaneity seems to be your guide. Afra had never been to the Grand Canyon before so that was ultimately the destination but when you are on the road you can't just go to one place and call it good.

Some people say, "Oh I wish I could go on road trips but I work during the week." Well, we do too! All of these trips we take are weekend trips that only last a couple days. It is not uncommon for us to travel over 2,000 miles in one weekend. Obviously this is not for people that can't palate sitting in a car for most of their trip, but we love it!

Our first stop was The Grand Canyon. We arrived at night in time for some night photography.

We had fun finding good spots and taking some photos of each other with the stars behind us. We were so tired that we slept right there on the edge of the Grand Canyon and continued our journey after we snapped some photos of the Canyon in morning light. 

One of the many fun things about taking Erika on a road trip is she has a kick butt 90's pop play list!!! S Club, Britney, NSYNC, you name it! It's so fun to sing along (at the top of your longs) with the hits of yesterday. I can't even express how fun building ridiculous memory's with people that don't judge can be. I am so thankful for the friends I have!

Horseshoe bend

Erika at the Las Vegas Taco Bell

Angela Deserves Better Than Me

It's no secret that I love my wife. She's beautiful in every conceivable way, but more than that she complements me perfectly. We are of one mind and one heart. We have the same pet peeves and the same things that make us happy. The longer I live the rarer I realize these things are.

Angela deserves better than me. No, I'm not trying to put myself down here; quite the opposite. Me acknowledging this fact is why I will not stop becoming better every day.  We have all heard the breakup line "it's not you it's me" well there is no way it's going to be Angela and I refuse for it to be me. To reference Ingrid Michaelson, she takes me the way i am. I feel this is as romantic as it is an integral part of a healthy relationship. I am no coward and I will do anything to avoid my wife waking up one day and realizing she settled.

I don't have to have my guard up with Angela. I never have to say "you have to take my feelings into consideration" we both just do this organically. I feel so comfortable with her but I also realize that taking her for granted would be the worst mistake of my life. I will not back down from progressing myself to a standard  I can be proud of providing the love of my life.

When I look at Angela I see the same woman that I chased after, the same woman I knew I needed for the rest of my life, and the same woman that pushes me to be more every day. This is the reason we have great jobs, own our own home in an expensive neighborhood, and have great friends that we love. I just wanted to write another blog post to thank my wife for being the anchor in my life. If I could go back in time and choose anyone on this planet to be with, you still would be number one on my list. There is no one else that can do what you do. You are uniquely perfect for me. I love you more than words. 

Brainwashed And Controlled

I pose this question: why is it much easier to hear "stay on the right path or you may fall" then it is to hear "you have fallen off the path please get back on"? Most of what you see online is helping victims of abuse recognize and avoid abuse. But everyone should read and reflect because  you could unknowingly be the abuser. Some may not realize they're being the aggressor because unfairly life is often happier for those that use and abuse others.

When you hear the term "brainwashed" you may associate it with being in some sci-fi movie about aliens or at the very least being overly dramatic. But it happens every day to people like you and me.  People need a purpose, they want to feel special, but most of all we want to feel in control. Angela and I are no different. However control is the biggest lie this world has. Things are often not as they seem. A man in a business suit seemingly presentable and harmless can be much more dangerous than a poorly dressed man you may have walked out of your way to avoid.

For example: people that have been in cults their whole lives often look at other people in cults and think  "Wow, I would never be that stupid." Meanwhile those members in the other cult are looking back thinking the same thing about them. The fact is it's not about being stupid.  If you have ever seen the movie Speed with good ol' Keanu, their tactical unit uses the phrase "Crazy not stupid." That phrase has always stuck with me because the most intelligent and/or charismatic people often come up with the best lies. On the flip side, that lie can sound so good that the most humble and sincere people will often not only go along with it, but seemingly prove that lie as truth to more unsuspecting people. After all, everyone falls for pathos.

Another one of my favorite quotes is "I was starting to believe the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size." -Susan Orlean from Magnolia. Controlling people will tell you that you can get confused and miserable easily and you need to stick to the "right path". Conveniently their path is always the "right" one. Ironically it's only after I stopped limiting myself with fear of losing my way that I truly found it. The truth I've now found is passion can fuel the ever expanding limitless understanding of this beautiful world. 

A main problem is controlling people are often times being controlled themselves. The best way to sell a lie is to believe it yourself. Ideas can be a cancer and you may very well be the one perpetuating it, I know now that I subconsciously have. If you start to notice peoples cute small requests start becoming bigger, or if you start feeling nagged or feel abuse each time you try to decline a request, chances are, you’re playing helplessly into the hands of manipulation. Unfortunately the longer you are in it the more it becomes "natural" like a frog in a pot of water that is slowly heating to a boil.

Have you ever heard "you can do whatever you want BUT you have to accept the consequences? This is true but the problem is most of the time when someone says this that person has decided what deserves consequences.

Hopefully at this point you are asking "Well then how can I be myself and not fall into these traps?  After all if I'm being brainwashed obviously common sense isn't working for me." Reading this is a good start. The best way to not be controlled is to educate yourself on the tools people use to control you. Common sense only becomes common when things you learn become second nature. Look up things like gaslighting, shifting sands, making unfair demands, or ways people could be making you feel guilty.

Bottom line is bad things can sound good. No one wants so believe they can be brainwashed. It's scary to think possibly something or everything you have built your life around could be lies. But there are such things as Stockholm syndrome, Complex post-traumatic stress disorder, indoctrination, and other things that happen all the time to people smarter than you or me. So whether its family, friends, or an organization, please stay vigilant in this fight. And be especially cautious of people that would say "where will you go? What will you do?" you are not trapped!  

 

Don't Marry for Love

Guest Post by Angela-

As I was blow drying my hair this morning, as a lot of introspection normally starts of course, I was thinking to myself, "How did I get so lucky? With all the people that I've dated, how come I ended up with the best person possible?" So many people fall in love with someone and then their marriage ends up being so much worse than anyone could have ever imagined. Sometimes, it's not that either person is a "bad person" it's just that these two people don't work well together.

I started thinking about all my friends and family who are not married and what advice I would want to give them in looking for a partner. Please realize, I know I'm not some all knowing wise old sage but this is the conclusion that I've come to as to why my relationship is so successful.

Don't marry for love. I know if you are anything like me this seems counter-intuitive. I have had the idea that “if you try hard enough you can make any marriage work” Beaten into me. I would like to take this opportunity to beat the opposite into as many people as I can. Even though most romantic comedy, princess stories would tell you otherwise; if you give 100% of yourself  and your partner gives 0% that’s still only 50% of a relationship.

I think these stories have been so romanticized that people think that love is the most important aspect in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, love is very important. It's just so easy to love someone who is bad for you or to you. I've done it. Plenty of times. I think anyone who has been in a few relationships would agree that it's easy to love the wrong person. I've dated some pretty terrible people, some who were legitimately abusive. It's so easy to justify someone's bad qualities when you love them.

This is why I would say I didn't marry just for love. I also married someone who is my other half, my best friend. We have a lot of shared interests. I am happy to spend every moment of every day together. Every night is like a sleep over. If something is bothering me, I don't vent to some other friend for validation, I tell my best friend aka my spouse. We understand each other completely and have great communication. We aren't perfect but if there's anything at all we talk to each other and work it out. To me, this is so much more important than love alone. It's easy to love the wrong person. Find someone you love, but make sure they are also your best friend.

Hopeless Romantic

I am in love with love. And yes I can't stop believing in fairy tales. I am an idealist, a sentimental dreamer, and imaginative fanciful person. Simply put love is an art form. And NO! I'm not taking these rose colored glasses off any time soon.

I've often looked at all the jaded people and worried that I would become one of them. After all I have had my moments of losing faith in mankind. However as soon as I see something slightly romantic I snap back like Doug in the movie UP seeing a squirrel. I just love to dream. To me there is nothing better in this life than to be romanced with sweet simple things and thoughtful amazing surprises.

As many of you know by my blog I believe in passion, chivalry, and true love. What makes a Hopeless romantic "Hopeless" is the fact that we are few and far between but I guess "Not very likely romantic" doesn't have the same ring to it.

Love is what drives me day to day. The thought of having more meaningful connections with the people I care about most in life is what gets me up in the morning. I fall in love with love more every day.

I have friends that get hurt by love every day. I try not to be the person that allows feelings of love to override my common sense. That being said being a realest may help us not get hurt but I would not triad it for the cynicism that comes with embracing an imperfect world.

You may say I prefer not to live in reality, I say perception IS an individual's reality. I may seem unsettling or borderline crazy to non-romantics. However I continue to write these blogs so my fellows will embrace the romantic inside of you. I'm sure if you open up these gestures will be adored, granted they are obscenely quixotic. Just knowing that someone is thinking of me makes me smile, and holding my hand makes me feel like I can fly. Love is magic. <3

Zip Line and Sink Her

I surprised Angela with a romantic getaway to Catalina Island this past weekend. I love Angela so much and it’s amazing how much fun we have together! It’s important to keep as stress-free as possible so we needed a perfect romantic getaway.

The most important thing in my life is the connection I share with Angela.  As always, the bond between us gets stronger as we spend more time together.  We all need relaxed time away from the pressure of our daily responsibilities. When we boarded the Catalina express it was like boarding a ship away from life’s hassles. 

When we arrived on the island Friday night it was raining and we hustled to our tent cabin to lie down. We could hear the rain loudly on the tents large tarp roof. We felt so relaxed and were able to lower our inhibitions and connect like never before. Everything was perfect.  We felt we were one with nature and as our love intensified, like magic so did the rain. We live in a fairy tale. 

The rain cleared up for the rest of the trip and when we awoke the following morning we lazily walked around one of the cutest cities in the world. If you have never been to Catalina Island they use golf carts as cars and everyone is very nice. They have cute little shops everywhere and we took our time exploring. When we got breakfast I told Angela about our plans for a zip line adventure that I had planned in the evening!

Stepping off each precipice to zip line over the lush green island from over 600ft was romantic and exhilarating. We zip lined for over 2 hours and the whole time we could see the sunset over the ocean. Near the end we got to experience night zip lining! After zip lining we went to the arcade and ate BBQ chicken pizza. Needless to say the whole trip made us feel quite elated.

After staying in our cute little tent Saturday night we decided to leave the island and come back home for a nice nap in our own bed. Definitely one of the best valentine’s weekends I’ve ever had! And last valentine’s day we did this! 

Guide to getting and keeping a happy woman.

It seems like a lot of men these days are stumped on how to get a woman or keep them happy so this is to them. It goes without saying that I don't know everything about this subject but here is my take on it.

 
Having a deep intimate connection with your partner is the most important aspect of my relationship. So please take this first step and ask yourself why you are pursuing this woman. If it’s only her looks or to gratify your pride walk away... Better yet run away. Someone WILL get hurt if you take a shallow approach here.

I am writing this because so many of my female friends seem to have bad experiences with intimacy from guys. This extends to long term relationships or dating new men.  I’m also not surprised after I’ve heard things from guys like “You have to be mean to women, they like it!” (He’s divorced) or “Women are too complicated, even they don’t know what they want!”  

Whether it’s true or not most women feel men are creeptastic. Ultimately a woman wants to feel comfortable; this should be your number one priority. Hopefully you are not thinking “if a woman is comfortable that’s how you get friend zoned right?” 

That is only true if you fail to make your intentions clear. The fact is most Women are afraid of men. First you have to prove that you’re not going to be scary. Depending on the women’s experiences this can prove to be an easy or a VERY hard task. For some women all it takes is a soothing foreign accent or guys that can make them laugh and they slip off into a dreamy state of comfort. But watch out! It could be a long journey of proving you are nothing like her deadbeat dad or abusive ex. Whatever it ends up being it’s only when she feels comfortable that pursuing a deep intimate relationship becomes possible.

Be confident! Notice I didn’t say “lead her” or “take charge”. Women want to feel taken care of just like men want to feel taken care of.  If you both know where you’re going in life you can go there hand in hand. This is when you take steps closer to her and see if she gives you the signal that she wants you to take more. Keep the relationship interesting by finding out what she likes and make it happen for her. If she’s outdoorsy plan a picnic or camping trip. If she likes movies take her to one. If she likes food take her to her favorite restaurant or cook for her. 

Feeling like your relationship is one-sided can be painful and upsetting. Guys, if she's not thinking "Oh, I have it really good," "I'm blessed," or "I love him more than I could ever imagine." It could be a matter of time before your relationship starts to drag. Please ask her if she's feeling bored, insecure, or taken for granted. Just opening that communication could be what saves both of you hard times ahead.